Showing posts with label mullet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mullet. Show all posts

Friday, July 12, 2013

Ha Ha!! Cubs Shutout Cards!


I was late to yesterday's game because of (thank god) some work, and missed the first run that the Cubs scored in the first inning, which turned out to actually be the winning run, because the Cubs shutout the first place Cardinals!  Wrigley was packed with them crimson clad corn holes yesterday and I made a joke to a Cardinals fan wearing a World Series 2011 Champions patch on his sleeve, saying to him, "We don't see the word 'World Series' in Wrigley too often", and the jerk said, "And I hope you never do...".    I was being generous with the guy, making a self deprecating joke, and he had to still be a jag off about it.  Then we got to talking a little bit, and he was nice enough after that, but you could tell he was uncomfortable being nice to me.  Afterall, I was wearing Cubbie Blue.  But who cares?  We're all fans of the game, and it's not that big a deal.  He had such a hard time overcoming his jerky Cardinal nature, but managed to mumble out a conversation for an inning or two.  He left promptly after the game without saying good bye, even though we had been chatting seconds earlier as Kevin Gregg escaped some 9th inning trouble notching his 16th save, and preserving the shutout.

So many destitute Cardinals' fans in the cheap seats....they are so poor.  Losers....

So who's not a loser?  I am incredibly happy to report that Starlin Castro went 3-4, and Anthony Rizzo went 2-3 yesterday.  I am also elated to share with you that yesterday's winning pitcher, Edwin "don't call it a comeback" Jackson, pitched 7 innings of 3 hit, shutout, ball, with 5 K's and 0 walks.  These are the longest contracts on the team, and unless they are traded or injured, we are gonna be seeing this trio for a while.  Let's hope we see more of yesterday and not more of yestermonth.  Castro specifically seems to be on the upswing.  The Cubs scoreboard copy editors are certainly supportive...check out these scoreboard blurbs about Starlin from the last 2 nights....they're spinning the positives....

Multi hit efforts 4 of his last 13 games....ummm...that means a low batting average....

Reached base 66 of his last 89 games.....huh?  That's not good....

These are weird stats that barely matter, but I think it's nice of the Cubs to try and positively spin Starlin's crappy season so far.  Does he even read those things?  

Speaking of spinning positives, this guy, who I call "Coon Skin Cap Man", might have the most creatively shaped mullet in Chicago.  Jeff Samardkfjbgerg44r4r, take note.  This could be you in 30 years....

Seriously, what is going on here.....but at least I know he's not racist, because I saw him help a black kid.  What a guy!

In other, "awesome guys at the game watching the Cubs shut out the hated Cardinals" news....

Hooked my self up with what I call "Double leaners"  I'm leaning on the fence and a railing simultaneously....jealous?  I'm also old enough to drink beer, and have been for 18 years now, unlike these sorry underage saps who got caught with 2 beers and subsequently kicked out....

Where do all the confiscated 8$ beers go?  Mmmmmm....confiscated beer....

These kids weren't even college age, but let's face it, the drinking age should be 16, and the driving age 21.  They got it all backwards.  You also shouldn't be allowed to vote after age 65 either, because there's a good possibility you'll die soon, and we will all be stuck with who you picked.  That's some Son Ranto logic right there....learn it.

Well unfortunately, I don't have a ticket to today's Cowboy Hat giveaway.  Tix didn't get below 40$ on the Stubhub, and Wrigley sold out all the cheapies to destitute Cardinals fans.  

But today.....

The Cardinals Joe Kelly, who not only has two first names, one of which is a girls name, (loser), is 0-3 with a 4.15 ERA, and he goes against Carlos "the artist formerly known as mustache" Villanueva.  2-4, 3.63.  My opinion is that we should sweep the Cardinals.  That would rock.  In fact, lets not allow a single run the whole series.  That would be killer.

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Sunday, June 2, 2013

Cubs Lose the Old Fashioned Way

Well, that was ugly, but also quite familiar.  Carlos Marmol walked 3 and gave up a Grand Slam in the 8th inning and the Cubs lost.  Marmol, who sucked in equal fashion earlier in the season, had actually been pretty decent lately.  His ERA had gotten to under 4, he started striking out opposing hitters again, and the boo birds were leaving him alone.  But what's that mathy theory that about reversion to the mean?   I was always the new kid in school because we moved a lot, and  I tried to hang with the cool kids, and it would work for a day or two, but I always ended up hanging with the nerds again.  Well, Marmol, you're sitting back at the nerdy lunch table again.  You are who you are.  I've noticed the pitches much better when the Cubs are losing and he doesn't have a tie or a lead to hold.  Also, I think even little leaguers could hit his fastball, and he can't throw his formerly wicked slider for strikes.  If I were Sveum or Theo, I'd have gotten rid of him long ago, but he's making almost 10 million this year, so I bet we are stuck watching him all year.  Cubs brass has already written off this season anyway, and the lack of fans in the stands shows that most of us feel the same way.  Think it's just time to resign ourselves to the fact that Marmol will be really terrible sometime, and we just have to watch it.  Slow motion train wreck.

Speaking of train wrecks.  I am in NYC right now finalizing my divorce and playing gigs with my band Bad Teenage Moustache, but I was free last night and went to watch this ball game at Kelly's sports Bar on 1st and A in the East Village.  If you Google Cubs Bar NYC, Kelly's comes up first in the search results, and I've gone there on and off for 3 or 4 years when I lived here.  So, with the delayed start, and the hockey game on, I sat drinking 3 dollar PBR's and shots of well whiskey, waiting for the game to start.  It never did.  The Yankees/ Red Sox and Fox preempted the Cubs game, and except for some illegal internet feeds, there was no way to watch this game.  MLB, your blackouts suck.  I should be able to pay to watch a Cubs game on my Ipad or Iphone while I'm in Chicago.  And Fox should allow the other games they aren't showing in the region to be viewed on another Channel.  There are 99999999 channels, and you can't put the game on one of them?! I'm trying to watch your program Fox!  And you won't even let me!  Ridiculous!  Like many things in this country, it makes no sense and is likely the result of greedy bastards.  At least I didn't have to watch the loss live....

On a final note, Dale Sveum's an idiot.  He was ejected in the second inning last night over a blown call at first base.  Why does anyone argue these safe/out calls and get themselves ejected?  Never once have I seen an umpire overturn his call.  NEVER!!! So what's the point Dale?  Were you just ready for a beer after that long rain delay? I've often hypothesized that managers go out and argue in order to light a fire under the team. Manufactured Drama.  But it doesn't work. And Dale Sveums bad at it.  He barely looked angry at all when Joe west threw him out.  So Sveum must have said something bad about Wests mom or his tuna breath.   The way West threw him out was hilarious too.  That tight black Umpire jacket and chest protector doesn't allow West to lift his arms very high so he kinda looked like an Oompah Loompah as he threw Sveum out.





But seriously Sveum, all you accomplished was not being the manager for the evening.  If you're gonna argue, go out there and pull a Piniella and throw a base or something.  Kick dirt on an umpires shoe.  Let's see some theater!  Arguing is pointlessly futile.

In case anyone cares, the Cubs ended up losing 12-4 yesterday, and the twitterverse hashtag of bullpenisterrible was in effect.  Love it!  Bull penis terrible.  Hilare...... Marmol and Zach Putnam, the new mullet in the Cubs pen, each gave up 4 in what was through 7, a close and winnable game.

Well, we still have a chance to win this series today, but it's not bloody likely, because lefty phenom Patrick Corbin 8-0, 1.71 goes up against Edwin Jackson 1-7, 6.11.  Um yeah....not bloody likely....

Check out these pics from Kelly's Sports Bar!  Place is mad cool!  And the soonly expiring podcast!

http://www.sonranto.com