The Cubbies exploded for 11 runs against the Nationals, while Jeff Samarddbfefhf9v pitched a complete game shutout last night in a game I wasn't at. Two homers each by Nate Schierholtz and Donnie Murphy, plus a ton clutch hits and excellent baserunning won the day, but.....Damn you! I went to every loss on this home stand. I suffered through a sweep at the hands of the Reds, and had to babysit my sister's kids during the Cubs only win against St. Louis. In those 4 games I did attend, you scored a total of 5 runs. And then last night, when I had something else to do, a sound design job at the Trap Door Theater for "The Balcony" which opens September 5th, (plug plug), you score 11 runs, and hit five dingers, and I missed it all. Thanks a lot! This is how you reward your loyal fans, by winning when they're not there? Ugghhh...
Oh well, I guess I should be happy the Cubs won, especially because my best friend, Johnny Onomatopoeia, who hails from the DC area is gonna be pissed. I should have placed a wager on this series with him, but the last time we wagered.... we had a weight loss competition before meeting in Vegas over the winter holiday's. I won (but didn't keep the weight off, he did), and the loser was to play a half hour of craps in drag, but two things happened. A. We couldn't find a decently priced dress big enough for him, and B. He was arrested and pepper sprayed by the Vegas PD after getting sucker punched by a bouncer, and calling the cops on himself. Needless to say, I am now a bit sheepish in asking Johnny to wager again, seems to be some bad luck strewn in there. Besides, we kicked the crap out of the Cardinals in the first game of the last series, and then got basically shutout for the next 18 innings. Well....we scored 1, which still sucks. That could very well happen here. The Cubs totally blew their wad in game 1 of the series, and then nothing....when I'm at Wrigley....
In other news, the Cubs did execute one of my least favorite transactions yesterday. They traded David DeJesus to the Nationals for a player to be named later. There's no payoff! PTBNL? By the time we find out who we got, the NFL playoffs will be on , and no one will care. This is just a salary dump anyway. And now the team will consist of people you never heard of. It's not even 40 man roster time yet! The Cubs already look like the Kane County Cougars!
I wonder if the Cubs let him dress at his old locker?
From one crappy team, to another slightly less crappy team. I wrote one of my favorite parody articles for Bleed Cubbie Blue's Fan Posts section about David DeJesus. It's Funny. Or at least I think it is....
Speaking of Cougars!
The sad thing is, David DeJesus's hot wife will no longer be a Cub Wife. She was by far the hottest of the wives. At least in a traditional sense of hot. You know, breasts and butt and a pretty face. Not obese. You know, the kinda girl straight guys go for.
Anyway, bye bye David! It was not fun losing 100 games a year with you on the team, but at least you did a halfway decent job as a stop gap measure. I will miss drunkenly yelling "let's go Jesus!!!!" when you come to bat. Farewell, "Of Jesus", have fun trying to get the Nationals to .500, because they ain't winning shizznit this year.
Well, the Cubs better do something tonight too. Hitting 5 homers would be cool, as I'll be in the Bleachers, and have yet to catch a ball....ever.....would be nice to catch a homer. I would go early and catch batting practice, but I gotta see a man about a horse before the game. For those of you not in the know, that means, I got crap to do that I don't want to share on a Cubs blog. Yes, even Son Ranto has a private life. Not much of one, but it exists. Actually, not much of a life in general, especially after September 29th, when I have to suffer through 5-6 months of terrible baseball longing. You'd think I'd be more suicidal watching the Cubs during baseball season, but somehow, the pain of being a daily Cubs fan gets me through, and when I don't have them to kick around, I kick myself around. Maybe I'll go to the Dominican and watch some winter ball to stave off my baseball deprivation and seasonal depression.
But Tonight!
The Cubs new lefty phenom Chris Rusin goes against veteran Dan Haren. It should be a kick arse game as long as the blasted mosquitos stay off of my jock. I'm covered in welts! Convinced I have west nile virus or bed bugs, but it's probably just a hangover.
Go Cubbies!
http://www.sonranto.com
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