Satan loves the Cubs!

As many of you who troll through Cubs blogs already know, a severed goat head has been delivered to Wrigley Field.  Now, this gruesome discovery could be seen as just some crazy Santeria witch off their meds, but if this was a horned goat head, which the reports are unclear about, the fact of the matter is  The Chicago Cubs are now in league with Satan.  Baphomet, the horned goat, is an ancient pagan symbol and is often overlaid on top of the pentagram,  A five pointed star which perfectly fits the 5 pointed goat head.

And what could this mean? This goat head at the gates of Wrigley?  Obviously, it means the Rickett's family along with Theo Epstein are members of the church of Satan, and have sold the soul of the Cubs in order to bring a championship to the North Side of Chicago.  I don't believe it to be a coincidence that last nights game was called on a count of freezing weather and rain.  Remember when Jesus died on the cross, there was also a torrential storm.  I wouldn't be surprised if we have a week of rain outs.  Which is fine with me, as I have tickets to todays game, and wouldn't mind if the game was played some time in August.  But notice also that the only day it's supposed to be pleasant, sunny, Spring weather is Sunday.  The lords day.  

Now I know some of you out there of the religious persuasion, the big 3 faiths anyway, are aghast at this news.  But if you are a true Cubs fan, it is worth taking pause and noting that if selling the soul of the team to the devil is the only way to bring a championship to the Cubs, it might just be worth it.  As an individual fan, you must search your soul and ask yourself.  Would you sell your soul to the devil to be at Wrigley field the night the Cubbies win it all?  Is it worth an eternity of damnation to be covered in tears and beer, running naked up Sheffield avenue, wildly celebrating a Cubs World Championship?  I Son Ranto say yes.  Reverse the curse.  

It is a well documented fact that the New York Yankees sold their soul to Satan, with the Redsox taking a 35% stake, for Babe Ruth.  Resulting in 27 World Championships and the musical Damn Yankees.

In the musical, a fat old Washington Senators fan becomes a phenom baseball player after he sells his soul to the devil to give the Senators the pennant.  Being the 1950's, the Senators succeed only after Joe recants his devilish deal.  However, the story is based on the Yankees and their deal for Babe Ruth, who was also a well known Satanist.  How else could you explain that one of the best hitters ever was also one of the greatest pitchers of all time.  The called shot?  The work of the devil.

Every person of faith must spend a little time in the desert, where the temptations of fasting overwhelm us with earthly desires.  The Cubs have been in the desert for 104 years now.  The long suffering fans have sacrificed enough. My mother, Mom Ranto is an ex nun and die hard Cub fan. She worked her whole life for the Catholic church, and used to bring me to the ball game with priests.  Some of the biggest Cubs fans I know are priests and Nuns.  Big shout out to Sister Carmel over at St. James. But after years of failure of the Catholic hierarchy of Chicago to bring the Ring to the Cubs, I believe it's time to try a new approach.  That approach is Satan.

So, dark lord of the universe, I will follow you to the gates of hell, (which is apparently gate K).  Bring us, oh black king, a North Side Championship for the men in blue.  Not next year.  But this year.  2013.      While on offense, May the wind wreak havoc on pop ups in the infield,  allowing the ball to drop in for a bloop single.  On defense, with a runner on first, may the double hit get stuck in the ivy, stranding the lead runner at third.  Satan.  Bring us a championship.  Satan.  Bring us runs.  All hail Satan!  All hail the Chicago Cubs!