Cubs Win; Goat Head Magic Finally Working

Umm, who took my Chicago Cubs and replaced them with a good baseball team?  After an April spent on the bottom rung of the NL Central, the Cubs have surprisingly played pretty darn good baseball the last 2 days.  Blowing out the Rangers on Monday, and squeaking by the Cardinals last night for a 2-1 victory.  Timely clutch hitting, a 2 out single by Soriano followed by a Schierholz homer, rock solid starting pitching, and an actually effective bullpen have made this team look more like contenders than also rans.  At least for the last two days.  All I can think is that the severed Goat Head sent to Tom Ricketts at the beginning of the season is finally starting to have the magical effect it was intended to have.  There really couldn't be any other possible explanation, right?

Or could it be that these Cubs aren't as bad as our record shows?  I've been saying all year that if a few plays had gone differently, if the wheels didn't totally come off the bus sometimes, and if we had played more solid fundamental baseball, we could easily be a .500 team, if not better.  You could sense the tension in the crowd last night when Sveum went to the bullpen in the 7th to replace Travis Wood with Carlos Marmol.  The fans booed Sveum (I was one of them), then clapped for Wood's strong performance, and then they booed Carlos Marmol (I was not one of them).  I can't really say that Marmol did well either, he gave up a walk and 2 hits in an inning and a third.  And but for a base running error by Yadier Molina, where Marmol caught Molina trying to steal, we could have easily been "Marmoled" once again.  He's blown many a ball game for us this year, and as much as I used to love watching him pitch, I really don't ever want to see him pitching during a tight game ever again.  I mean ever.  I understand Sveum is trying to work out some of Marmol's head problems by putting him out there day after day.  But why not let him work it out on Monday when we won 9-2, and the damn game isn't on the line.  Honestly, he almost blew the game again last night, and the blame would have been on Sveum.  It was almost as if Sveum was trying to lose.  Why use James Russel, our hottest hand in the pen on Monday night in a blowout, and Marmol, a guy that's lost at least 4 games for us with terrible performances in a 1 run ball game?  I just don't get it.

What else happened?  Well, Castro made a great play up the middle, and then proceded to drop the ball for his 6th error of the season.  He's only one behind the league leader, National, Ian Desmond who has 7.  Welington Castillo has 5 errors, and the Cubs are also one error behind the league leading Marlins with 28.  Besides shoddy relief, this has been the Cubs biggest problem this year.  Makes you feel as if the wheels could come off at any second with just one poorly executed play.  We also lead the league in Wild Pitches with 20, which is a reflection on our Misser...ummm....I mean Catcher as well.  Hey...at least Castillo can hit and has the best batting average on the team, which is more than I can say about Castro, who's batting a paltry .277.  They shoved Castro in our face as a superstar, but he hasn't really done anything too spectacular yet.  Sure...he makes some flashy amazing plays, but he's not clutch, and it all goes to hell in a hand basket on a two hopper straight at him.  I say trade him while his value is decent.  I really don't think he's the future of this team.  Darwin Barney went 0-3 last night too, lowering his average to .147.  Umm...wassup with that?  It's like we have two pitchers up there!  Hey at least I can take a whizz and buy a beer in the third and not miss anything.

Side note, Luis Valbuena hit a screamer 10 feet over my head onto Waveland Avenue in the second inning.  I was leaning up against the fence in terrace reserved, right field.  And it looked as if the ball was coming straight for my face.  I don't think my heart stopped thumping until the 7th.

But we won yesterday!  We freaking won!!  We tried to lose, but the Cardinals gave us one and it felt good.  I know my blog posts are overwhelmingly negative, even when we won the game.  I'll try and be more positive, but it's frustrating to think how many more games we could have won this year if it wasn't for these major flaws in the Cubs game plan.

Well, it's gonna be another tough one today as we face Jake Westbrook  with "the Stache", Carlos Villanueva.  Westbrook has a 1.07 ERA, so he's damn tough.  As I said yesterday, we have to, have to, have to get to their bullpen, it's surprisingly the worst in the majors.  So come on boys!  Let's work some counts, lets foul off pitches for days.  Anything to tire the guy out.  Going to the game with Mom, who I don't think has seen the Cubs win in the last 5 years.  So let's get one for her, she's freakin 75!

Check out the Son Ranto Podcast here!

Go Cubbies!!

Bad News Bears Give Birth to Cubs

The folly of men dressed in Cub's uniforms, attempting to play a game called baseball, continued Saturday night to a sell out crowd in Milwaukee.  Giving up 5 runs (only one of which was earned), on only 6 hits and 3 walks.  Three errors were the cause of the other 4 earned runs, by Soriano, Castro, and the pitcher Jackson himself.  In fact, the Cubs have committed  a major league leading 15 errors this season and given up 11 unearned runs.  Put these unearned runs up against our 3rd to last runs scored statistic, and you have a 2013 Cubs Ballclub that is 5-11, and well, just looks kind of crappy.  The most craptastic thing about these errors is that they are being committed by the young "stars" the Cubs are currently building their team around.  Well, maybe not Soriano.  He will be laying in a hammock listening to the game from his estate in the Dominican Republic, and playing with his grandchildren by the time the Cubs win the World series (I hope).  But Castro?  This is 3 years now we've basically watched this kid barely get better in the field.  Certainly, he has great range, and gets to a lot of balls.  But those damn easy one hoppers?  Can't quite seem to handle the routine plays.  And it's killing us.
Rizzo too looks shaky.  His error on the first batter of the game Friday night resulted in a 4 run 1st inning for the Brewers.  And last night, he bobbled a ball badly trying to step on first base.  And Edwin Jackson?  Our 52 million dollar man?  Why he chucked a ball 15 feet over second base on what could have been an inning ending double play last night.  You're just giving away the game with these stupid errors.  It's disheartening as hell.  If the errors were all being committed by Luis Valbuena, it wouldn't be as awful because he's not a building bock of the future (I hope), but rather by our stars.  I think these guys need an exorcism.  They've got the Yips as a team.  Goat head?

And our poor pitchers!  Having to make all these extra pitches, face extra batters.  It's got to be disheartening when you have little to no confidence in who is fielding behind you.  It makes you feel as if you have to strike out every batter and be damn near perfect because you have no run support anyway.  The Cubs are 3rd to last in runs scored, and walks taken, and 5th to last in hits.  The Cubs are of course first place in Wild Pitches, with 13 (5 coming in one inning), and second in passed balls.  That's a ton of runners moving around the bases, many of which shouldn't have been on base to begin with!  This team needs a serious shake up!  If things don't change, and change soon.  This season will not only be forgettable, but will leave us with a terrible taste in our mouths all winter long.  Young teams are supposed to get better little by little.  And right now, even though we have not been blown out as of yet, we look worse than last year.  Or did I just forget how bad we were?

But enough about baseball....let's talk about how drunk Milwaukee Brewers fans are...

I went to the game on Friday night up in Brew Town, checked into the local Ramada, which was jam packed with Harley Davidson fanatics from all over the world.  Apparently, they are having some biker convention.  Boy, how times have changed since "The Wild Ones"  when it comes to bikers and biker gangs.  First of all these guys are all old, fat and grizzled, and instead of dealing drugs and rough necking it, hard drinking, and loose women, the bikers now hold charity events and raise money for cancer research.  Basically, they are really good people now, and I'm the asshole that wishes they were still dangerous outlaws scaring up the straights in small town USA.  Those days seem to be long gone.
 
So, we get to the game, and a severely drunken, likely underage, girl comes stumbling up the stairs with her friends.  I mean this girl can barely stand up.  She sits down in the aisle and kind of blankly stares at a stranger as if to say, "where the fuck am I?  What is going on?"  So I see this girl needs a little help, not from me, but one of her more sober friends who got her this drunk in the first place  So I tap her friend on the shoulder and say, hey, your friend needs help.  You gotta get her outta here.  Especially with all the Bro's sitting around us who looked basically like date rapers eyeing her as a possible conquest from afar.  But instead the friend proceeds to take shit loads of pictures of herself with the same dums ass smile with all here more sober friends, she of course stylized them with some instagram filter, and posted them to facebook, and basically ignored her friend who looked as if she was gonna hurl at any second.  A sad scene.  Then this red haired girl comes up who instead of helping her basically admonishes her for her behavior.  But that doesn't help at all, yelling at the person while they're drunk.  Just ask my ex wife.  So, We left our seats to go smoke a ciggy, and when we came back an inning or 2 later, she was surrounded by cops.  So at least she was in better hands?  Who knows?  Either way....kinda ugly scene...she showed up in the first inning like that....

I also witnessed a Brewer fan homoerotically pantomime face fucking his Cub Fan friend after the Brewers scored a run. He was one of the "date rapers" I tracked earlier.  And while at the Brewers little patio bar, a Black eyed Broham elbowed my friend in the back, and instead of apologizing for it, tried to start a fight with us.  I redirected his sloppy ire and diffused the situation, and I wish I had this on tape, but he was describing himself, and the evening he was having, and he said something to the effect of..."My friends, they were like, lets go out, and we can do something, and I'm like, yeah man, I don't really care, whatever".  I just said, well, you sound like a man who knows what he wants out of life.  And quickly left the conversation and the area.

All in all, and I've been twice now, Miller Park is tolerable on a sunny day with the roof open, and a dark chasm of drunken date rapers on a Friday night.  Hey, at least they let you smoke.

After that we went to the Casino.  BTW.  They have free shuttles all around Miller Park that can get you close to where you're going.  I won a little money on a slot, my friend lost, so we left.  All in all, meh, I prefer the Indiana boats.  Potawotami Casino is trying to be Vegas, and they totally forgot that they are in shitty ass Milwaukee and a bunch of cheesers.  Hey Milwaukee, you're not cool and you look stupid trying.

So, what do we have to look forward to today?  Little Chinstrap "I don't know how to cover first base" Feldman vs.  Wily Peralta.  Ugh...I just don't have a good feeling about this....not at all....

But...
Go Cubbies!!!!

Satan loves the Cubs!

As many of you who troll through Cubs blogs already know, a severed goat head has been delivered to Wrigley Field.  Now, this gruesome discovery could be seen as just some crazy Santeria witch off their meds, but if this was a horned goat head, which the reports are unclear about, the fact of the matter is  The Chicago Cubs are now in league with Satan.  Baphomet, the horned goat, is an ancient pagan symbol and is often overlaid on top of the pentagram,  A five pointed star which perfectly fits the 5 pointed goat head.

And what could this mean? This goat head at the gates of Wrigley?  Obviously, it means the Rickett's family along with Theo Epstein are members of the church of Satan, and have sold the soul of the Cubs in order to bring a championship to the North Side of Chicago.  I don't believe it to be a coincidence that last nights game was called on a count of freezing weather and rain.  Remember when Jesus died on the cross, there was also a torrential storm.  I wouldn't be surprised if we have a week of rain outs.  Which is fine with me, as I have tickets to todays game, and wouldn't mind if the game was played some time in August.  But notice also that the only day it's supposed to be pleasant, sunny, Spring weather is Sunday.  The lords day.  

Now I know some of you out there of the religious persuasion, the big 3 faiths anyway, are aghast at this news.  But if you are a true Cubs fan, it is worth taking pause and noting that if selling the soul of the team to the devil is the only way to bring a championship to the Cubs, it might just be worth it.  As an individual fan, you must search your soul and ask yourself.  Would you sell your soul to the devil to be at Wrigley field the night the Cubbies win it all?  Is it worth an eternity of damnation to be covered in tears and beer, running naked up Sheffield avenue, wildly celebrating a Cubs World Championship?  I Son Ranto say yes.  Reverse the curse.  

It is a well documented fact that the New York Yankees sold their soul to Satan, with the Redsox taking a 35% stake, for Babe Ruth.  Resulting in 27 World Championships and the musical Damn Yankees.

In the musical, a fat old Washington Senators fan becomes a phenom baseball player after he sells his soul to the devil to give the Senators the pennant.  Being the 1950's, the Senators succeed only after Joe recants his devilish deal.  However, the story is based on the Yankees and their deal for Babe Ruth, who was also a well known Satanist.  How else could you explain that one of the best hitters ever was also one of the greatest pitchers of all time.  The called shot?  The work of the devil.

Every person of faith must spend a little time in the desert, where the temptations of fasting overwhelm us with earthly desires.  The Cubs have been in the desert for 104 years now.  The long suffering fans have sacrificed enough. My mother, Mom Ranto is an ex nun and die hard Cub fan. She worked her whole life for the Catholic church, and used to bring me to the ball game with priests.  Some of the biggest Cubs fans I know are priests and Nuns.  Big shout out to Sister Carmel over at St. James. But after years of failure of the Catholic hierarchy of Chicago to bring the Ring to the Cubs, I believe it's time to try a new approach.  That approach is Satan.

So, dark lord of the universe, I will follow you to the gates of hell, (which is apparently gate K).  Bring us, oh black king, a North Side Championship for the men in blue.  Not next year.  But this year.  2013.      While on offense, May the wind wreak havoc on pop ups in the infield,  allowing the ball to drop in for a bloop single.  On defense, with a runner on first, may the double hit get stuck in the ivy, stranding the lead runner at third.  Satan.  Bring us a championship.  Satan.  Bring us runs.  All hail Satan!  All hail the Chicago Cubs!