The Cubs Need Drugs

I got into Wrigley yesterday in the bottom of the 4th inning. Having tried to talk the scalpers down from their asking price of 40$,  (Still below face value for Terrace Reserved, but I was hoping to pay 10),  I witnessed some girls pay 30$, and even though I insisted on a 20$ price point, I relinquished to the middle, and we ended up settling at 25$.  I don't think either of us was happy with the transaction, but it was a beautiful day, and I figured, what the hell, I'm already here.  I hit the seats and the Cubs have 2 on from a couple of walks, but what proved to be a theme of this game, in which the Cubs didn't score at all, and struck out 13 times, the rally failed, and those that paid full price for their tickets were left holding their floppy Budweiser hats, which were given to the first 10000 fans, in their disappointed little hands.  At least I took this beautiful picture!

I think the most I cheered in this game, which the Cubs lost 2-0, was when a guy down the right field line got a foul ball, celebrated, and then handed the ball to an apparent stranger in a selfless act of kindness not seen since Mr. Miyagi gave Daniel San a bonsai tree in Karate Kid 2.  Even the events worth cheering for all left a distasteful tinge in my mouth.  Like when the Cubs, who had been no hit through 4, finally broke it up with a single.  What's distasteful about this?  It was the pitcher Travis Wood who broke it up with a single.  Yes, the pitchers are our best hitters.  Ugh.  But Wood was then forced out at second by "new and unimproved" leadoff hitter, Darwin Barney, who struck out 3 times in addition to this failed attempt at moving the runner into scoring position.  Wood improved his batting average to .308, while Barney, in the leadoff spot, left 3 on base, including 2, when he struck out to end the game during the Cubs fake rally in the bottom of the 9th.  He is now batting .213.  In fact, almost the entire starting lineup in yesterdays game hovers in the mid to low two's.  The only other hitter in the Cubs lineup batting over .300 is Ryan Sweeney, who had 1 of the Cubs 5 hits.  It truly is getting tough to tell whether the other pitcher is really that good, or if we just stink at hitting.  I wonder if this guy regretted sporting this rabid fan hair style after watching such an inept display of offense.

It was, however, a beautiful day at the ballpark, and after making my way over to the sunshine seats in Right field, I got myself a little nook next to the fence to watch the rest of the nothing that happened on Friday.  So what's the solution to this hitting drought?

Drugs.

I recently watched this incredible documentary, called "I'm Keith Hernandez", about his Cocaine fueled days as a Cardinal and Met, winning 2 World Championships with each team in the 80's.  Totally worth a watch.  The Cards and Mets played with an intensity that I haven't seen in a while in baseball, and now we know why.  Both teams were considered cocky, and now we know where that confidence came from.  Drugs.  In this day and age of banned substances, I realize finding a stimulant, not on the banned substances list, might prove difficult.  But with the hundreds of millions of dollars spent by the Rickett's to upgrade the team and Wrigley field in the coming years, it would be wise and prudent to at least spend some of the money on synthesizing a stimulant that's not on the banned list.  In this game of baseball, you have to stay one step ahead of the league, and that includes the drugs you're taking.  I'm sure Ricketts has friends at Eli Lily that can hook him up.  It's just a matter of changing a molecule or two in the compound.  Let's get on this Cubbies!  Because if I've even seen a team that needs some serious drugs, it's the 2013 Cubbies.  

Speaking of cool things to see on drugs, the Goodyear blimp was at the ballpark yesterday, and I took a couple of shots, only to realize that there was also a UFO in the shot!  I don't know what aliens would want with a 2-0 Cubs loss snoozefest, but check out this pic!  

Do you see the flying saucer with the purple energy field rings?  Incredible!

I actually think it was the DirectTV blimp not the Goodyear, but I can't keep my blimps straight these days.  When I was a kid, there was only the Goodyear, and the Hindenburg, which blew up and crashed.  I wonder why Michelin never got a blimp to compete with Goodyear.  Battle of the Blimps!

Well, the game ended on the afore mentioned Darwin Barney, fake rally, strikeout, and I stuck around the ballpark to see if some drunk idiot had left his floppy hat behind, but alas, I walked up and down the stairs only to see peanut shells, beer cups, and Mormons.  

No floppy hat for me.  But this guy's pretty cool.  Not like those Morons.....I mean...Mormons....

As I was taking this photo, this family of Pirates fans was snapping selfies and when they were all done, the dad realized his bag had been lifted.  They apparently stole a sandwich.  That'll teach him to leave food laying around a bunch of obese and hungry Chicagoans!

Well, crime was rampant yesterday in Chicago, as after the game, and after playing some flying V guitars at Guitar Center on Halsted, I returned uptown, only to hear 10-15 gun shots a half block away.  I had just gotten in 5 mins earlier.  Coulda been meat.  Here's the story if you care.  This gang banger got shot in the face. 

So, a guy gets gatted, a bag gets stolen, and the Cubs get shutout, so I went to RibFest with the Lovable Lou Sears to drown my sorrows in meat!  If you go, eat the Texas stands ribs.  They were by far the best.

There's a game today, but I'm not going.  Stubhub was too rich for my blood, but I might try in the 5th again and see if I can't get in for 20$.  The Shark, Jeff Smejfekbrkwbgkrbgeng is going up against AJ Burnette, who has some sweet tats.  Should be magical....

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Its a Great Day for Cubs Baseball! Not!!

It's cold.  Damned cold.  My old ass heater is loud and wakes me up at night.  It's baseball season people.  The taxes are paid.  Why can't I watch a game at Wrigley field without wearing long johns and a parka!?   I blame the lord fighting back against the dark magic of the goat head.

Speaking of goat heads.  Check out the new Podcast here, where the lovable Lou Sears and Son Ranto sing "Goat Heads" to the tune of fish heads.  Classy.... There's also an interview with  Brent "Leprechaun" Lillibridge from Opening Day.  And some "reality radio" from a roof top, where a fan obsessed with the 1984 Cubs says how we can win the World series this year.  It's a drunken mess.

Ok.  So Yesterday, after purchasing 6$ tickets to sit in terrace reserved, I walked through Challenger park in the cold mist towards Wrigley field, feeling confident that the Cubbies could scratch out some runs, and hand a loss to Los Gigantes.  How wrong I was.  Castro boots an easy grounder.  And Chinstrap Feldman can't cover first base (twice).  Result 4 runs.  Boy.  When the wheels come off the bus for the Chicago Cubs, the bus also bursts into flames, under an acid rain cloud, while an earth quake tears the ground on which Mongol warriors slaughter the women and children.  The Cubs crack under pressure.  They cant handle  pressure or adversity, and before you know it, there are 7 runs on the board for the other guys.  As a Cub fan, I know better to be confident, ever.  Winning by 5 runs in the middle of the game does not guarantee a victory.  Especially when you give the World Champion Giants 5 outs in an inning.  But we could have won this one.  Castro fields the grounder and we win.

Further illustrating the Cubs cracking under pressure when the chips are down, are the strikeouts of Clevenger (8th), Rizzo and Castro (9th), with a runner in scoring position.  All it would have taken was for one of these guys to get a base hit, and the games at least tied.  And Rizzo and Castro are our best players!  They just can't deliver when the game is on the line.  And that's just sad.  Theo has emphasized only swinging at pitches you can do something with.  Pitch selection.  But now these guys just stand there with the bat on their shoulder watching called strikes whizz by them.  Listen.  I'm not saying I can do better.  But this new approach seems to result in called third strikes.  No me Gusta!  I have not drunk the Theo Kool Aid as of yet.  This whole "process thing" from the wonder boy from Boston.  Remember where the Red Sox finished after he left?  Last place.  Remember where all those high priced free agents Theo signed are now?  Yeah.  Dodgers.  I'm not going to sit and trust this "process"  when it results in losses.  So, this is a rebuilding year....blah blah blah....what the hell are we building?  Great pitching?  Defense?  Slugging?  Speed? What?!  I don't see it.  Maybe all the future wins are buried in saber metrics.

Speaking of metrics.  I mentioned I only paid 6$ for Terrace reserved yesterday, which of course means 6$ for terrace box (you gotta sneak past the old man ushers if you wanna sit further down).  6$ on Stub Hub.  And if you recall a story from this winter about the Cubs doing a different deal with Stub Hub, the result is you have to buy tickets by 7:20 AM for a 1:20 start.  6 hours before game time. Instead of last years 2 hours.  I waited til 7:19 and bought the tickets.  The price had not changed since the night before.  But the moment I bought the tickets.  The prices shot up to 7$.  Like, just because I'm an idiot who wants to sit in the cold rain, and watch a team that has a good chance at finishing in last place, there must be other idiots like me ready to snatch up tickets.  First of all.  I'm resentful at the Ricketts for the 6 hour cut off time.  It's ridiculous!  Do you want people to come to these games or not?  Do you know what looks terrible on TV?  An empty stadium.  Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd.  And with no one there, it looks like a lame scene.  Who is sitting there at home watching this sparse crowd, and saying to themselves..."Hey!  That looks like fun! I'm gonna sit in the freezing rain with nobody and watch the Cubs lose!"  The only excited fans yesterday were school groups.  They should just let kids in for free.  Hell they should let us all in for free.  I spent 34$ on a Stanley Burger (which was quite good), and 3 beers.  So yeah...they should go back to the 2 hour window.  It's just petty, and annoying considering the team they are currently fielding.

So what's on tap?  I gotta work today, and watch some little kids play soccer in the burbs tomorrow.  But I'll be back at the game Sunday!  It's supposed to be nice and warm and sunny!  I'll be singing a different tune by then I hope.  Come on boys.  Lets get em today.

Go Cubbies!

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