The Art of War: Chicago Style

Well, a third team, in 3 series's, has now clinched the playoffs and/or division against the Chicago Cubs.  Take your medicine boys. Take your medicine.  It's good for you.  You must stare into the face of the people that wrong you, and desensitize yourself, in order to overcome the adversity before you.  I liken this clinch fest to when I would stare at photo's of my ex wife and I together in happier times, in order to not have a knee jerk emotional reaction every time I caught a passing glimpse of her.  You gotta get angry, and you gotta get tough to get yourself through the tough times.  Steel your soul.  Look at these champion teams.  Really look at them.  Look them right in their champagne soaked begoggled eyes.  The fools!  

Watch them jumping up and down, like teenage girls with Bieber fever, on the mound at your ballpark!

Study your enemy closely Cubbies.  You should be seething with envy and hatred at your adversary. Read the Art of War by Lao Tzu.  Study the brutal tactics of Ghengis Khan and the Mongols, who slaughtered Central Asia, just as the Cubs must slaughter the National League Central.  Every Cub needs to find their inner Grizzly Bear during this off season.  Hang pictures of the 3 teams who beat you this last week all over your house until you are enveloped with vengeful thoughts.  Every day, you will be motivated to get meaner, stronger, more focused.  You must make your heart cold.  Full of hate.  Your mind electric.  And your soul bitter with envy.  Yes!  Do this Chicago Cubs!!

Oh, and would it kill you to take a little batting practice too?  Maybe hit the fall and winter league's?

Last night was just embarrassing.

Because next year.....

I still can't watch this without crying....

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Last Days at Wrigley 2013

Baseballwise, the best thing that happened to the Cubs in this final home series against the Pirates, was to avoid being swept on Wednesday.  But regardless of the elimination (around May in reality) of the Cubs, and any hopes of a miraculous playoff run, there was of course still great fun to be had at the Wrigley.  6 dollar tickets, final Old Style beers, and meeting internet friends in person seemed to be the order of the final days and nights at the nearly century old ballpark.  

Monday night, I spent the evening sitting next to some Pirate fans, who, I guess I'm rooting for this year.  Even though their long suffering fanbase hasn't really shown up until now, any team with 20 straight years of losing baseball, is worthy of a cheer or two from my mouth.  Behind me sat a Mexican contractor and some of his team (possibly family), sitting with a young white man supplier, who to my ears, had the accent of a first generation American.  They did drunken business all night, discussing materials, costs, and a bit of gossip over numerous cervezas and a little baseball watching.  That game was 1-0 Pirates, and one of the quickest games of the year.  I didn't even go out to smoke until the 6th!

Let's go Bucs?  Sure.  Why not....

The first time the older gentlemen came to Wrigley was in the 1960's.  According to legend, he took a train with a buddy of his from Central Illinois, but was too drunk at the time to remember much of his experience.  He fondly recalled Cubs players from the time like Glenn Beckert and Randy Hundley, in addition to your Ernie Banks's and Billy Williams's.  Remember when the Cubs had stars on the team?They were nice people, and I hope they are still cheering the Bucs deep into October.  Anyone but the Cardinals!

Unfortunately for the Cubs, even the closed circuit TV system has given up on our Cubbies!

Tuesday, I was able to meet up with a Twitter friend Josh, @jmorg17, and his buddy Ryan.  I had seats up in the balcony, but sat with these guys for 4 or 5 innings behind a pole.  

These guys were huge fans, but I still managed to win a dollar off of Ryan by betting him the skyboxes were full operational in the 80's not the 70's.  My sister and I used to run from wherever our seats were to watch Harry Caray moving from the TV booth to radio and back after the 3rd and before the 6th innings, from high up in Terrace Reserved.  Thats was before the skyboxes, and it was definitely the mid 80's.  Either way, I ended up a dollar richer.  The answer was 1989.  I barely squeaked out the victory.

Tuesday night was also my last Old Style at Wrigley, unless of course the online petition works out for them.  You can sign it here if you care.  Old Style is a crappy beer, but it's our crappy beer.  And you know what?  All the beers at Wrigley are relatively crappy.  Major brand beers like Becks and Dos Equis don't even serve up their signature brands, with Dos Equis being the Lager, not their regular brew, and Becks is called Sapphire, which has a malt liquor flavor to it.  The Sapphire is your highest alcohol content for the money, topping 6%, just in case you were looking to get sloppy.  Don't even get me started on Bud and Bud lite.  These beers don't give much of a buzz at all, unless you count diarrhea as a buzz.  

But of course the Rickett's family in their infinite quest for cash had to go with the highest bidder.  I'm fine with it all if they spend money on the team, but that doesn't seem to be their plan.  It's all about savings and trying to make a team work without spending the money.  That's what Money Ball's all about!  I'm doubtful that approach will work in Chicago no matter what kind of beer we're drinking.  Not holding my breath, but hoping the concessions are upgraded next year, especially the beer selection.  There are so many delicious micro brews in the area, couldn't there be one stand somewhere with some Belgian beers like Duvel or how about a Sierra Nevada, or even a real Becks Pilsner!  Additionally, the only food worth eating is the Stanley Burger, the Chicago Dog, and Uncle Dougies pulled pork.  Unfortunately, save the Chicago Dog, you really have to go searching for the other two sandwiches.  

The food and beer at Wrigley are crap.  They could do better, but the almighty dollar speaks louder than the all mighty taste bud.

My final day at Wrigley started with a Champagne brunch with some actor friends from Trapdoor Theatre, at my apartment, a mile north of the ballpark.  I made breakfast burrito's for everyone and we walked down to the bleachers on what proved to be a beautiful day for all of us, including the Cubs who won the game 4-2 on a surprise Darnell McDonald 3 run homer.  I met up with the guy who sold me  his season tickets on Sunday, a Bostonian named Adam Polegreen, and his son, who had a sack full of balls, some of them signed, attained during batting practice.  Adam's a super nice guy, and he loves his Cubbies, and his Red Sox.  I wish I liked another team that was any good, but unfortunately my other adopted team from nearly two decades of living in NYC, is the Mets.  Hell, I could never be a Yankee fan!  

Unfortunately, I was drinking my last crappy Old Style the night before, as the bleachers ran out of the stuff.  In fact, premium beer after premium beer ran out as the game went on.  I drank Pabst.  It was the perfect day for it all.  A great way to end out my season at the shrine, but somehow, whoever runs the sound at Wrigley managed to louse up Go Cubs Go.  Is this a harbinger of doom for next year?  Or just the final series in St. Louis.  Or as Pat Hughes annoyingly says...."St. Lou".

Listen at 2:20.

As a musician, producer, and engineer, the sound at Wrigley has been run horribly this year.  Feedback, Weird Gary Pressey organ rhythms, and inconsistent volumes throughout the game have me thinking someone's stupid nephew got the job, and not a professional.  This final screw up is just icing on a bad cake.  Maybe it's all on purpose, to have us all accept thundering scoreboard sounds as an upgrade from the mediocre sonic vision that currently flatly falls on the patrons ears of the Friendly Confines.

Well, 3 more games, then the long dark winter.  Makin me feel like this...

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How Bout...The Cubs Won Last 5 of 7 Series!

Why the Cubs couldn't win the only game I went to this weekend, Friday, is beyond me.  Just bad luck I guess. But I was able to at least watch on TV, covered in my sisters 3 kids, the late inning dramatics of Dioner Navarro, as he launched a Sac Fly in the 11th to give the Cubs a walk off style win!  As Josephine on Twitter wrote..."It ain't over til the fat man swings!"  Of course this was after Kevin Gregg did his best 2009 impression of himself and gave up a 2 out, top of the 9th game tying homer to the Pirates, Starling Marte, for the Cubs MLB leading 18th blown save of the year.  As they say, "alls well that ends well". And I'm starting to think, after the Cubs have won 5 of their last 7 series', that that particular phrase will hopefully be affixed to the season as a whole.  And of those two lost series, only the Cardinals seemed to have the Cubs overmatched.  In the series lost to Oakland, the Cubs actually scored as many runs over the course of the series as the first place A's, and they blew a save in the 8th and lost the other game 1-0.  Furthermore, the games lost against the Mets and Astros both had blown saves, and could have been sweeps.  So, as the Cubs get blown up trade deadline style for the next month, I think it's important to focus on what this team needs to be competitive.  Within the last week, Scott Hairston, Scott Feldman, Carlos Marmol, and Steve Clevenger have all been traded.  What for?

Well, relief pitching basically.  Righty's Jake Arrieta and Pedro Strop came from the Orioles Pen, and Matt Guerrier from the Dodgers.  Hairston fetched a minor league pitcher to be named later.  Arrieta is a 27 year old minor league starter, who was in the pen in Baltimore, though had a spot start or two.  Strop had a 2.44 ERA in 70 games last year, but has gone south this year.  Guerrier is 35 years old, and most likely NOT part of the Cubs future plans.  This trade was a way to get Marmol out of Chicago.  Carlos was booed for throwing ball one at Wrigley, and it was an unpleasant and crappy situation for the fans and Carlos.  BTW.  Marmol has accepted a minor league assignment to work out mechanical flaws.  Umm...why didn't the Cubs think of that?  With 18 blown saves, the Cubs sorely need more depth in the pen, and we got it with these 3 guys.  Now what else do we need?  A bat!!

Starlin Castro is having an awful season.  And Anthony Rizzo is probably Starlin's best friend right now, because Rizzo is batting .242 to Starlins .233.  If Starlin was batting even .270, we'd be saying what happened to Rizzo instead.  Fact of the matter is, we need these guys to hit if the Cubs are ever to compete.  Right now, it's our scrap heap guys, the injured Sweeney, Dioner Navarro, and Schierholtz that are keeping this team 10 games under .500.  Plus the surprisingly great starting pitching.  But honestly, you cannot pin all of the blown saves on the bullpen.  These guys are pitching day in day out with one run leads.  The lack of offense has left the pen with no margin for error most games.  The Cubs have the second worst OBP in the National league, and the second worst batting average with RISP.  The last place team is surprisingly the Pirates who have the worst average with RISP, but have the best record in baseball.  So what's the answer here?  Castro and Rizzo have to hit.  If by next year this time, they still aren't hitting, it's time to worry.  Especially because these unproven youngsters are signed to looooooong contracts.  But as fans, we've got to hope they're going to figure it out eventually.    Both Rizzo and Castro are under 25.  Patience.....

Other areas in need of improvement....defense....the Cubs have committed 60 errors this year, and are 8th in the majors in this category.  And passed balls and wild pitches, even dropped third strikes have been an issue.  This is not a question of trading for better defense.  It's a question of training and practice.  Execution and smarter playing.  Is Dale Sveum the right manager for this?  I personally do not think so, but Theo seems high on him, and I don't get a say in the matter.  Soooooo....go Cubs!

Right now, the Cubs are doing what they're supposed to do.  Trade away players who are placeholders, like Hairston, and get what you can for em.  Get younger, meaner, leaner, and save the money for maybe a big free agent in a year or two.  As much as I hate to see the Cubs blow the team up, Feldman and Hairston were hardly Cubs, and Marmol needed a fresh start.  The thing I haven't mentioned is that the Cubs are going to be big money players in the international market as well.  Many of these trades have included "slots" and extra cash to be spent on the World stage.  This is a VERY good thing.  Sure, these guys are 16 years old now, but so was Big Papi once.  Aroldis Chapman.  Fukudome....hahahaha...JK.  What I'm hoping for with this team teardown and build up is for the Cubs to build a competitive team for always.  Like the Yanks or Cards.  We in Chicago deserve it.  This is a great baseball town.  And after 1 World Series championship, it'll be on.  Curse off.  Rings on.

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Went to Wrigley, Forgot My ID, Cubs Lost

Does this look like the face of someone under 21 years of age?  

Good thing I pre gamed with some Whiskey, and had someone with me WITH an ID, because I went to Wrigley without one, got carded, and not served.  But I knew this game was gonna blow as soon as I paid 30$ for a nosebleed ticket.  The price fixers of MLB and Stubhub never let price get below 45$ for yesterdays, nearly sold out, 6-2 loss to the First Place Pirates.  It was pretty packed, but the bleachers weren't totally jammed, and I was easily able to sit the entire game in Upper Deck Box, instead of my assigned "behind a pole"seats.  Rickett's needs 10$ tickets to fill the place.  Hey, we'll buy you 6$ Hot dogs and 8$ beers, just make it affordable Daddy Warbucks!

As far as the baseball went yesterday, it was pretty terrible.  Shark Smardkbferbfowebf was mediocre for an "Ace".  5 runs, 5 walks, only 3K's over 6.  For some reason, Dale "Evil Genius" Sveum walked the 8 hitter in the second inning to pitch to Liriano, the Pirates pitcher, who promptly drove in the first run of the game.  Why are you walking the 8 hitter?  Chicken?  It makes the Cubs look weak.  Go after the 8 hitter!  It's not like it's Pete Rose up there!  It's Jordy freakin Mercer for Crissakes!  His names Jordy! Lame Dale...real lame...

And every player who did something good yesterday, also did something bad.  The Cubs had only 4 hits, two by the beefy back up catcher Dioner Navarro, who also hurt himself, and allowed a run to score from third with a high throw to second.  

Poor Dioner...McCutchen's bat hit him in the funnybone, the one place Navarro has no..."extra"...human padding.

Scott Hairston hit a 2 run homer!  But he also needlessly dove for, and missed this ball....

With nobody on and two out....he wasn't even close, and it ended up being a triple.  

And Starlin Castro Struck out on this pitch...

And on this pitch...

Then he hit a double!!!

Look how confidently Starlin smells his 8 inning ripened arm pit!

Then.....

He got picked off second...

Then called out...

Then Starlin pouted on all 4's, wondering if the hot girl in box seats he was looking at when he got picked off, liked his butt

Ahoy!  That game blew, but it was a beautiful day at the Wrigs....and I got drunk regardless of my lack of ID.  And even though the Cubs lost with blame to go around, I had a blast.  

Let's get em today eh?!!!

Charlie Morton, who's only pitched in 4 games this year, but has a 2.50 era goes for the Bucs vs.  Edwin Jackson, who unfortunately pitches worse at home and in the day time.  Well....at least it's a beautiful day for a ballgame!

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Cubs Swept in Pittsburgh; But I Won!

Well, at least I won 42$ at video roulette at Rivers Casino after the ballgame.  But unfortunately, I seem to be the only entity associated with the Cubs, who has anything to do with the word "win".  It was a stormy Thursday afternoon in Pittsburgh, and with Edwin Jackson showing early in the game that he didn't have his best stuff, getting tagged for 2 runs in each of the first two innings, the rains came as a Cub rally killer with 2 outs, 1 in and 2 on in the 4th.  Ending both Jackson's day and my afternoon sobriety.  Even though I said I wasn't going to drink at this one, a two hour rain delay in a stadium where you can't smoke has a way of changing these self made promises.  The game continued, and our bullpen was lights out!  Unfortunately, the lights were also out on the Cubs bats.  Millionaire Cubs such as Anthony "Fo Shizzo" Rizzo went 0-13 in the series, Soriano 3-12, Castro 3-13, and overall the Cubs  failed to score runs.  So either the Pirates are really good, or the Cubs are terrible.  You pick.

The best thing about yesterday's game was sitting in the left field, where I had a great view of Soriano's butt.  I like Soriano, he engages the hecklers in aloof and confusing ways, he dances to the opposing batters walk up music, and he likes to watch the replays of him and his fellow teammates on the video screen in left field.  Here he is getting ready for nothing to happen.

After the rain delay, I correctly predicted that people were going to be inebriated at the resumption of the game.  I was right.  A Pirate fan who looked like actor Paul Giamatti when he played "Pig Vomit" in the Howard Stern movie, began to heckle Soriano as soon as he took the field in the 5th.  This man was  not as funny as he thought he was, and was told repeatedly by the staff to sit down and be quiet.  I  retaliated Son Ranto style and heckled Pig Vomit by yelling to Soriano in spanish.  "Los fanaticos son gordos y pelados!"  Translated, "the fans are fat and bald".  Which they are.  I include myself in this as well.  The Pirates are very serious about their fans conduct, and lay out rules before the game about swearing and fighting, as to socially engineer their fans into acting respectfully.  Judging by the mustachioed gentlemen spitting his Skoal laden chaw onto the floor as he topped the escalator, I would say these rule reminders  are probably justified around these parts.  But overall, everyone was very nice to me.  Mostly because I'm a Cub fan and they feel bad for me.  But the long suffering Pirate fans deserve a decent ball club after over 20 seasons of losing baseball.  I hope Pig Vomit and Skoal man get their championship.  They deserve it before they die of some horrible disease in 5 or 6 years.  

Speaking of dying of a horrible disease!  When entering the ballpark yesterday, I saw paramedics wheeling a wheezing man, clutching his chest.  He was apparently dying of a heart attack, but there didn't seem to be much urgency in the step of the paramedics.  Judging by the food options at the stadium, this is probably just a work a day event for these guys.  Note to self, don't have a heart attack at PNC park.   It probably wasn't the best idea to eat this pulled pork pierogi sandwich.  In fact, the invention of a pulled pork pierogi sandwich was also not the best idea.  

It's as delicious as it looks.  Whatever that means to you....

All in all, Pittsburghs a great town!  There are lots of gays.  IE good food, and cool shops.  My cousin took me to her friend Stu's Zombie store, House of the Dead.  Check it out if your in Pitt.  Stu's awesome and knows a ton about the history of Zombies in Pittsburgh. We saw an Oompah band playing 80's songs and danced on the tables.  The Casino is walking distance to the ballpark and you can park there for free.  Did I mention I won 42$?! I went to Banjo night at the Elks lodge and drank 6$ pitchers of beer AND I could smoke in my hotel room!  Something that never happens anymore.  Ever.  So, thanks Pittsburgh! I had a great time even though the Cubs didnt......

Off to Cincinnati now.  Lets hope we don't get swept again.  But I have a bad feeling.  Tonight, we've got Scott Feldman against the Reds Bronson Arroyo.  We shall see.  Go Cubbies!

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Oh!  And look at these purty picthahs!

I Came to Pittsburgh For This?

Oh my dear Chicago Cubs....I drove 8 hours through the rain to come watch you blow monkey chunks.  Seriously?!  Bases loaded, nobody out and you can't score a single run?  And two of the outs come from our "future superstars"  Starlin Castro and Anthony Rizzo?  Starlin, I'm sorry I missed your 7th error of the year too.  I was looking for a place to smoke.  I'd like to thank PNC Park for A. Being beautiful, one of the nicest parks I've seen on my travels.  And B. For selling me giant beers to wash down the disappointment of watching both Matt Garza and Jeff  Smdebiebifnodnjiee pitch incredibly, allowing only 4 hits over 12 innings to the Pirates, only to have our bullpen blow it on Tuesday, and to not be able to hit at all on Wednesday.  Ugh... Here's a pic of our loser bullpen walking sadly in after the loss.

Me and the smattering of fans who attended Wednesday nights game were treated to either a "pitchers duel", or a "crappy hitters showcase".  Not sure which.  And I can only say, thank god that stadium is beautiful, because the baseball sure wasn't.  Seriously, PNC Park is a great place to watch a game and drink giant beers.  They have awesome salty sweet roasted almonds, and the nachos, though sizable and typical, didn't come in an awesome batting helmet for me to hilariously wear later and get cheese on my ear.  No, that never happened.  But the baseball!!!!???  Rizzo and Soriano.  3 K's each.  Castro and Rizzo 0-4 with 4 each LOB.  The team went 0-6 with runners in scoring position, resulting in, you guessed it, 0 runs!  And I've never heard of a team winning with 0 runs.  Have you? Well at least I did this!

That's me!  Catching behind the great Willie Stargell!  Do I look like Johnny Bench?

Ok...how bout Tuesdays game? Two words.  Grand Slam. Bullpen fail.  The only good thing besides Matt Garza looking pretty sharp in his return about this game, was I discovered the hashtag #bullpenisterrible really says bull penis terrible.  Which is hilarious.  Oh yeah, Rizzo our new multi million dollar man went 0-5 and struck out to end the game.  

Here's a question pertaining to both evenings?  Why is Scott Hairston's head so big?  And why is he still playing professional baseball?  I would rather see a gory middle ages public execution than ever ever ever watching Scott Hairston try to hit a baseball again.  Seriously, he reached on an error last night, and he looked so confused because he hasn't run the bases since Spring Training.  This has got to stop.  Send him down, and he and Brent Lillibridge can knock the cover off the ball in Des Moines.  Ugh.  

Well, I gotta go catch this afternoon game for some reason.  It starts in 2 hours.  Oh yeah...I'm an idiot and bought a ticket.  Hopefully Edwin Jackson can stop the bleeding against Jeanmar Gomez.   I'm parking at the Casino for free....yeah right....ain't nothing free at a Casino, at least not when I'm around.....Check out more pics from last night....and the new podcast is out!

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