Cubs Lose, Scalpers Win!

Finding 15 while searching for a left behind Edwin Jackson Bobblehead is the best thing that happened to me at Saturday's Cub's game.

When I bought 2 terrace reserved seats off stub hub for 18$ each, and couldn't find a single person without a Graduation BBQ,  OK Cupid date, or Kids to go to the game with, I had a sinking feeling that this day would be one to just survive, and not to expect much out of the world.  

I was right.

Within moments of peddling off towards Wrigley, with plans to find someone to buy my extra, the chain fell off my bike.  Easy fix, but the sinking feeling deepened.  Tom Skilling, who apparently makes the weather around here, left us with a thick humidity that hovered like heavy spirits in expectation of Saturday's Super Moon that had the town abuzz.  It was going to be a strange day.  I could feel it in my bones.

The road to nowhere.

With a ticket to sell, the weird feelings, and a peckish for Al's Beef, I white knuckled it under the tracks, two parking lots, and two streets going the wrong way, parked, and went straight to the main box office asking if anyone needed a single.  Everyone wanted Bleachers, and as I continued on, I noticed there was a large white dude kinda tracking me, then he was up on me, but not saying anything.  I was born at night, but not last night.  I knew he was a cop, so I told some lie about how I was supposed to go to the game with my Mom, but her basement flooded, and I had an extra, and I got the bejeesus outta there.  

Decided to head down to Al's Beef and sell the extra closer to game time, but as luck would have it, I bumped into Ticket Man Terry across from the Salt and Pepper Diner down Clark asking if anybody was selling.  I told the same lie as earlier about my Mom's flooded basement. Terry lied, and said he was just trying to get into the game.  They all say that, thinking you might give them the ticket for free.   I said, "How much will you give me?".  He said, "10".  I said, "fine".  Down 8$, but at least I got something.  And no cops....

I immediately spent the 10$ at Al's Beef.  This isn't the original, but it's still a heluva beef sandwich.  The fries are some of the best in the city, and unlike all the other bar and grills on Clark, Al's had seating.

 

These children are delicious!!!

Heading back towards Wrigley, I wanted to see if Terry had sold my ticket.  He hadn't, but seemed like a cool guy, so I gave him my Son Ranto card and asked him a bit about the scalping business.  

Time for a ballgame!  

The ominous feeling had lifted slightly, as I had successfully gotten rid of my ticket, and was now full of beef.  The crowd going through Gate D was thick, and the Edwin Jackson Bobble Heads were long gone.  My niece had wanted one.  I guess I'm a crappy Uncle.  

 

Dale Sveum's tattooed forearms calling for the pitcher that will eventually lose the game loomed above, and the ominous feeling returned.  Oh right.  I'm going to watch the Cubs today.  Not who I wish the Cubs were.  But this manager, and these players.  The actual last place Cubs.  Yet, I hoped.  I mean, it's a good Saturday crowd, Game of the week, and the Astros, a team even worse than us! 

The National Anthem was decent, though he did go sharp during "Red Glare", and I settled into my favorite Right Field sun seats.  

And here's what I saw.....

                      The Double Campana

 
                                                                                            The Astro's tied, it and I went to smoke

               Amateurs doing the Wave....                             Theo Epstein look alike checking his stock      
                                                                                            portfolio during the stretch.

Nice to meet you!  I'm Goldendouche!

                                               

Cubs leave em loaded, and people leave em behind....

Oh, and the game itself?  Well, Castro did this....

But then he did this.....

Nate Schierholtz did this!  

But Castillo did this....

And Soriano did this....

The umpire did this...strike?!  Umm...no....

An Arizona Fan did this....

Ronny Cedeno...yes...THAT... Ronny Cedeno did this....

And the Cubs went down 4-3 with a quiet 9th inning.  Not even the #Cubes patented #fakerally to even have something to cheer about.  

The Cubs had their opportunities, but failed, going 1-8 with runners in scoring position, and leaving the bases loaded. not moving runners, swinging at terrible pitches...you know the usual.  

Travis Wood pitched pretty well, though it wasn't the best outing, giving up just a 3 run blast. But he should have been spotted to more runs.  You all know what happens next right?  The hitting is gonna come alive, just as the starting pitching falters.  It's the classic Cubs move.  

Anyhow, my ominous feeling was correct.  I should never have gone to this game, or left the house, and I certainly picked the wrong game to stay sober.  I was a bit hung over from the night before, and sweated it out over the first 3 innings in the sun.  But as I said at the top of this post, while searching for an Edwin Jackson Bobblehead, I found 15$, which more than made up for my 9$ loss on the scalped ticket. It was a weird day.  At least the Blackhawks won, and on the way home from Driftwood tavern, carrying my Mr. Salsa bag full of tacos, I passed by the cemetery that stands just north of the ballpark, while the Supermoon stood high above thousands of graves,  drunken revelers, and Wrigley Field.

A strange ending to a weird day.

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Cubs Avoid Sweep? Not Bloody Likely....

I have been traveling, watching baseball games, gambling, smoking, drinking beer and eating crappy ballpark food, and the single activity that makes me feel as if I've been run over by a Sherman tank are the baseball games.  The Cubs are about to be swept on this road series, and I can't bear to look anymore.  Take a look at these happy Reds fans hugging a giant baseball headed man.

This is what fans of teams look like when they're happy and playing winning baseball.  Now, take a look at what I look like this morning as I write this blog post after watching the Cubs 6 game losing streak in person.

Yes, it's come to this.  Coffee, Cigarette and blogging.  I made a deal with the Cubs yesterday, I would buy a ticket to todays, Sunday's, game if and only if the Cubs won yesterday.  They didn't win, losing 5-2 in what can be characterized as an anemic display of ineptitude and a lack of basic talent.  So, I'm not going today even though the beach boys are giving a free post game concert. Wait...I hate the Beach Boys... Anyway,  In both of these games in Cincinnati, the Cubs took an early lead, only to have it eviscerated in a big run producing inning by the Reds.  Besides the general lack of run production by the Cubs, there just seems to be a general lack of confidence on this team.  Players like Starlin Castro, and Alfonso Soriano just seem as though they'd rather be anywhere else than on a baseball field in a Chicago Cubs uniform.  The Cubs were 1-5 yesterday and 2-9 Friday with runners in scoring position, scoring a total of 6 runs and leaving 31 men on base in the 2 games thus far.  Ugh.  Take a look at this Scoreboard pic of our lineup from yesterday.

Yes, that's right, our pitcher, Travis Wood has a higher batting average than half the starting position players.  No wonder we've left 31 men on base in the last 2 days.  And on Friday, 2 of the 4 runs the Cubs scored were because of a homerun by the pitcher, Scott Feldman.  Which is awesome, but also pathetic.  

In fact, The only good thing that happened during yesterday's game was not baseball related at all.  I saw Carrie Muskat in the elevator, the Cubs team blogger.  She had a giant plate of fries, and I tweeted about the experience.  She made sure I knew she didn't eat them all herself.  I didn't say she did.  All I said was enjoy your fries!  So now, I've got this image of Carrie, Gordon Wittenmyer and Phil Rogers all chowing down on a big plate of fries.  I got to get myself a seat in that pressbox, and get me some fries, but alas, I'm in the stands and have to resort to other measures.  For example...

   As Reds closer Aroldis Chapman finished off Scott Hairston who came in as an offensive substitute for Julio Borbon in the 9th inning, (hahahaha....Scott Hairstons a substitute for a real baseball player and the only thing offensive is his lack of hitting and giant head) Anyway, the Red's fans around me were chanting "Pizza Pizza Pizza".  I asked what all the hub bub was about and some guy told me that if the Reds pitchers strike out the visitors 11 times, everyone wins a free Pizza if you go show your ticket at LaRosa's pizza.  So, I look up at the scoreboard, see there are 2 outs, and Scott Hairston at the plate, and I turned right around and started chanting "Pizza Pizza Pizza!".  When Scott Hairston was indeed caught looking at a called third strike, I cheered and yelled "pizza!" and gave High 5's to the Red's fans.  Hell at least I won a Pizza, which is more than I can say for the Chicago Cubs.

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Here are a couple pics from my trip....but I'm going back to Chicago ASAP.....

Cubs Swept in Pittsburgh; But I Won!

Well, at least I won 42$ at video roulette at Rivers Casino after the ballgame.  But unfortunately, I seem to be the only entity associated with the Cubs, who has anything to do with the word "win".  It was a stormy Thursday afternoon in Pittsburgh, and with Edwin Jackson showing early in the game that he didn't have his best stuff, getting tagged for 2 runs in each of the first two innings, the rains came as a Cub rally killer with 2 outs, 1 in and 2 on in the 4th.  Ending both Jackson's day and my afternoon sobriety.  Even though I said I wasn't going to drink at this one, a two hour rain delay in a stadium where you can't smoke has a way of changing these self made promises.  The game continued, and our bullpen was lights out!  Unfortunately, the lights were also out on the Cubs bats.  Millionaire Cubs such as Anthony "Fo Shizzo" Rizzo went 0-13 in the series, Soriano 3-12, Castro 3-13, and overall the Cubs  failed to score runs.  So either the Pirates are really good, or the Cubs are terrible.  You pick.

The best thing about yesterday's game was sitting in the left field, where I had a great view of Soriano's butt.  I like Soriano, he engages the hecklers in aloof and confusing ways, he dances to the opposing batters walk up music, and he likes to watch the replays of him and his fellow teammates on the video screen in left field.  Here he is getting ready for nothing to happen.

After the rain delay, I correctly predicted that people were going to be inebriated at the resumption of the game.  I was right.  A Pirate fan who looked like actor Paul Giamatti when he played "Pig Vomit" in the Howard Stern movie, began to heckle Soriano as soon as he took the field in the 5th.  This man was  not as funny as he thought he was, and was told repeatedly by the staff to sit down and be quiet.  I  retaliated Son Ranto style and heckled Pig Vomit by yelling to Soriano in spanish.  "Los fanaticos son gordos y pelados!"  Translated, "the fans are fat and bald".  Which they are.  I include myself in this as well.  The Pirates are very serious about their fans conduct, and lay out rules before the game about swearing and fighting, as to socially engineer their fans into acting respectfully.  Judging by the mustachioed gentlemen spitting his Skoal laden chaw onto the floor as he topped the escalator, I would say these rule reminders  are probably justified around these parts.  But overall, everyone was very nice to me.  Mostly because I'm a Cub fan and they feel bad for me.  But the long suffering Pirate fans deserve a decent ball club after over 20 seasons of losing baseball.  I hope Pig Vomit and Skoal man get their championship.  They deserve it before they die of some horrible disease in 5 or 6 years.  

Speaking of dying of a horrible disease!  When entering the ballpark yesterday, I saw paramedics wheeling a wheezing man, clutching his chest.  He was apparently dying of a heart attack, but there didn't seem to be much urgency in the step of the paramedics.  Judging by the food options at the stadium, this is probably just a work a day event for these guys.  Note to self, don't have a heart attack at PNC park.   It probably wasn't the best idea to eat this pulled pork pierogi sandwich.  In fact, the invention of a pulled pork pierogi sandwich was also not the best idea.  

It's as delicious as it looks.  Whatever that means to you....

All in all, Pittsburghs a great town!  There are lots of gays.  IE good food, and cool shops.  My cousin took me to her friend Stu's Zombie store, House of the Dead.  Check it out if your in Pitt.  Stu's awesome and knows a ton about the history of Zombies in Pittsburgh. We saw an Oompah band playing 80's songs and danced on the tables.  The Casino is walking distance to the ballpark and you can park there for free.  Did I mention I won 42$?! I went to Banjo night at the Elks lodge and drank 6$ pitchers of beer AND I could smoke in my hotel room!  Something that never happens anymore.  Ever.  So, thanks Pittsburgh! I had a great time even though the Cubs didnt......

Off to Cincinnati now.  Lets hope we don't get swept again.  But I have a bad feeling.  Tonight, we've got Scott Feldman against the Reds Bronson Arroyo.  We shall see.  Go Cubbies!

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Oh!  And look at these purty picthahs!

A Tale of Two Cubs Games

So, I've been drinking beer at Wrigley Field the last two evenings, and have now witnessed a well played 5-3 Win and last nights laugher loss 13-7.  Of course it was more fun to be at the game on Monday because we won, and I sat in the bleachers where the fans are a bit more sociable, than a loss viewed from row 17 of Terrace reserved,  but either way, wherever you sit at Wrigley, provided it's not directly behind a pole, it's a good ole time.  However, I find there to be changes a brewing among the fan base.

For example, on Monday, in the bleachers, our group including The lovable Lou Sears, participated in the age old bleacher tradition of razzing the right fielder.  Chris Denorfia and Kyle Blanks got an earful from us about how his father is a lousy drunk, and his wife is cheating on him.  None of it informed, and most likely not true, but it's nice to know they can hear you.  I once yelled to Donald Trump that he sucked at a Mets game.  He was only about 20 feet away, and he didn't react, but I know he heard me, and that was satisfaction enough to know that he knew someone in the stands that day thought he sucked.  The same is true of opposing players.  they should know they suck too.  I love booing their every move.  It's my right as a ticket holder, and I learned to do it as an impressional 13 year old in the Left Field Bleachers.  I learned how to swear, how to jeer, and unfortunately about how drunk guys can tend to be homophobic pricks.   Yet, in our current cultural climate,  lets say, Generation Y, raised with time outs instead of spankings, participation trophies where everyone's a winner, and a general hipster nerd chic, is not as interested in the negativity spewed from those in Generation X through the boomers and beyond.  These idiots even tried to do the damned "Wave" on Monday night, while me and a few old timers yelled back, "No Wave!"  Later on, Lou, my friend Antonio and I tried to get a little "Left Field Sucks"  going.  But these, "free to be you and me hipster geeks" weren't the slightest bit interested, so I yelled out, "Fine!  Lets do the wave, ya pansies!" Basically, Lou Sears and I have become those jerk offs who taught my 13 year old former self how to be a loud brash asshole at a ball game.  Except for the homophobia.  We've had parents yell at us for our language and volume, and Lou Sears says something like, "Family Sections over there folks!".  Basically, we are total pricks and I hope we are influencing some young pre teen to carry on Wrigley Field's brash Bleacher tradition.  Furthermore , Monday was the anniversary of the Lee Elia tirade.  Check it out here...

It seems, especially relevant on an important date in Cubs history such as the Lee Elia Tirade, that we could at least honor Lee with some vitriolic slander of the opposing outfielders personal life.  It's only right.  Bleacher Bums!  Get it together.  We are meaner than this.  Find your inner hate, and spew it!

Now, I said this is a tale of two Cubs games.  I sat in terrace reserved on Tuesday and watched the Cubs get blown the hell out. 13-7.  A game plagued with errors, lack of clutch hitting, and for the first time this season, pretty horrific starting pitching from Edwin Jackson.  Also, It must have been gay athlete appreciation night, because there were a ton of gay people there.  Which is great!  Considering the recent coming out of Jayson Collins, and the fact that the ballpark is pretty much situated in boys town. I don't know if they would ever do this, but they should have gay pride night, just like they'll do Irish appreciation, or German October fest.  I would be at that game in a heartbeat. Win or Lose, the game would be fun as shit.  Because Gays are awesome.  Period.  End of Story.  If you've never been to a gay pride parade, you don't know what your missing.  It's like Carnivale in freakin Rio!  Imagine that kind of atmosphere at Wrigley!  They kind of have it too "Out at Wrigley" is August 3rd...check this article out here.... but I wish they associated it with Actual Chicago Gay Pride which spans the last two weekends in June.  The Cubs are in Seattle during the pride parade, but can you imagine if they had the floats do a circle around the stadium?  It would be incredible!  Also, if the Cubs were to come out strongly in support of Gays, what would that do to our fan base?   A.  Grow it exponentially.  B.  We'd have a return of the hilarious vitriol that I so miss in the Bleachers.  (If you're unfamiliar, gays are often times incredible at snapping on people)  Quick witted and sharp because of all the pain they've  endured from homophobic neanderthals.  I know there will be people that hate the idea, but just like I'm right that there shouldn't be a new ad spewing video screen, there should be hilarious, drunk, gay fans yelling obscenities at opposing players outfielders.  Oh Snap!

Well, I'll be back again tonight.  Where we'll have the tale of two beards.  Chinstrap Feldman vs.  Andrew "beard of bees" Cashner.  Don't have a lot of hope for this one, but you never know.  At least there may be some hilarious gay people around me.  That would make the game more tolerable.

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Let's turn those Padres into martyrs tonight!  Avenge 1984!!!

Go Cubbies!

Cubs Try to Lose; Win Anyway!

If there was any question as to how "Marmol" is spelled in japanese, I looked it up, and it's "F-U-J-I-K-A-W-A".  In a dismal 9th inning appearance, trying to preserve Carlos Villanueva's 2-0 gem, Kuji-Fuji, as he will be referred to from here on in, stank up the joint,  allowing 3 runs on 3 hits, plus a wild pitch, and he hit a batter (Buster Posey).  I was really hoping the plunked Posey would charge the mound ala Carlos Quentin vs Zack Greinke (video of melee in link), and break Kuji-Fuji's collar bone too.  At least I could have forgiven the 2 more runs he gave up, as I imagine it's tough to pitch with a broken collarbone.  But alas, cooler heads prevailed, and Posey trotted down to first, giving the Giants one more chance to go ahead.  And go ahead they did. Eventually,leading 3-2 going into the Cub's half of the 9th inning.

What is it with Cubs closers this year?  I've talked on the podcast with the lovable Lou Sears about  how these pitchers trying to close out the game, put extra pressure on themselves to wrap it up for a win.  That unnecessary extra pressure results in mistakes, thus runs, thus blown saves, and thus losses.  Granted, the fans in the stands are all a titter about going home with a win, standing, drunkenly chanting, and clapping randomly, but the closer, whoever it is, needs to just pretend it's the 3rd inning, and approach it as the routine 1-2-3 we Cub fans long for.  Maybe the fans could help set the scene by getting up to take a leak and buy a hot dog.  Let's all just pretend it's the third inning, and listen to the "W" from the bathroom, standing shoulder to shoulder singing "Go Cubs Go" from the iconic pee troughs of the Wrigley Field men's bathroom.  (Ladies, if you don't know what I'm talking about, find out by grabbing any random man in a Cubs hat and just say "Wrigley trough". Actually don't do that, it's weird... ).  So what changes in the 9th?  The only thing I can think of is that they stop selling beer, so many alcoholic fans have retreated to the Captain Morgans club, or one of Wrigleyville's many watering holes to watch the end of the game.  Maybe the absence of the constant chatter of "Beer here!", and "Get your Old Style", is unnerving to the pitcher.  It may be breaking the law to sell beer after the 8th, but I feel like we have to think outside the box for solutions.  I, Son Ranto, for one would be happy to 'take one for the team' and buy beer from vendors in the 9th.  Hell!  I'll even make the sacrifice to buy and drink beer  in extra innings.  Yes.  I love the Cubs that much.  It's all about sacrifice.

OK.  Ranto Rant over.....We won the game!!!!  And I was there!!!!

I took a little time off of my busy schedule of complaining about everything, procrastinating and drinking at home, to ride my bike the mile or so down to the Friendly Confines.  I was feeling generous, so I gave a scalper 10$ for a Box Seat and got to the game around the 5th inning.  Might I add, I decided to go down there in the 15 minute period where the sun was out.  I had been listening on the radio, as my poverty lacks Comcast Sports net and  It was 1-0 when I got to the stadium.  I heard Castro's homer from the roar of the crowd and Captain Morgan's amplified broadcadst, and found me a scalper.  2-0 is where it stayed until the fiasco 9th.  And I was like "Just great!  I come down here to sit in the cold rain to watch the Cubs blow another one. 2 damn days in a damned row".  I was truly questioning my purpose on earth, along with my horrific life choices, when the Cubs came to bat in the 9th...and from the ashes rose the phoenix!

The 9th started wonderfully with Dionner Navarro, who's aversion to running the bases, gives him extra incentive to hit home runs, did just that.  At 5'9", and 205 lbs, he prefers a trot as opposed to a full out sprint.  But it's fine by me.  Trot away Dionner!  So tie game, and I'm figuring extra innings, basically, because I don't have a whole ton of faith in this team to score twice off  Romo, the Giants closer, who was lights out the day before.  My pessimism was briefly vindicated by watching Valbuena and "Oh God!  why is this guy still on the team?" Brent Lillibridge strike out.  So two outs, and DeJesus doubles, Castro singles.  We win!!!

I must admit, I welled up a bit while singing "Go Cubs Go" with my drunken brethren.  To steal a victory from the jaws of defeat with my fellow inebriated Chicagoans was just as sweet as any thing that's happened to me ever.  Seriously.  Ever.  There are few better feelings for a baseball fan than a walk off win.  Of course I prefer it happen in a 4 game sweep of  the World Series (don't think my heart can take a 7 gamer).  But I felt great walking out of there!  Seriously wonderful!  The fans were still singing on the streets.  The atmosphere was jubilant!  Hopefully, this walk off win can carry the team with confidence into the weekend and beyond.  Especially Starlin Castro, who has failed miserably to be the hero all season until yesterday.  Way to go Starlin!  You acted the champion we all hope you'll be!

So, unfortunately, I will not be able to attend todays 12:05 start.  I'm going to watch some little kids play soccer in the burbs, and hang out with my Michigan cousins.  But I'll be back in the Friendly Confines tomorrow.  Up in the FC!  Got tickets?  Cause I don't.  Hit me up at sonranto@gmail.com, and of course http://www.sonranto.com.  Don't forget to check out the podcast here!

Let's go get a W today!  It's Madison Bumgarner (who I understand garners bums for the Giants) vs.  Our very own ace Shark Samardzija.

Let's go Cubbies!

PS.  Clevenger looked good at 3rd.  Get rid of Lillibridge!