No Lights at Wrigley Field!

So, yesterdays game against the Giants sucked.  We had lots of opportunities to score and win this game, but FAIL.  Lillibridge went 0-3, so what's new?  I'll tell you what's new.  The damned electronic scoreboard the Ricketts want to install at Wrigley field.  I hate it.  I don't want it.  And if it were up to me, they'd tear down the damned lights too, and play all the games at 1:20 or 3:05 like they did when I was a kid.  It was better that way, and you all know it.

I know all the arguments for this new damned scoreboard.  "It will provide advertising revenue, which we will put back out onto the field."  Bullshit.  The Rickett's are full fledged dyed in the wool capitalists.  If you think they want to do anything but make money for themselves and their friends, then you were not only born at night, you were born LAST NIGHT.  This is the 1% we are talking about here.  Some of the richest people on earth, and as Mr. Burns says on the Simpsons, "they'd trade it all for a little more".  But what it adds up to ultimately is that we will be forced to sit through loud ass commercials for Geico and Lays potato chips.  And that's a fact jack.  Trust.  I've sat in dozens of other major league ballparks, and those damned scoreboards are always telling you what to buy, when and how to clap, how to cheer, and they keep you "entertained" between innings with stupid contests like the 'ball under the hat' game, all while spewing commercials at you.  You have to look at giant photographs of the players faces, which are truly only good for making fun of, if a player is ugly or takes a less than flattering shot. Who cares what they look like?  Let's watch the game, not the damned scoreboard!

One of the best aspects about Wrigley is that the fans cheer, for the most part, organically.  We get each other into the game.  We make up our own chants.  Remember "Jody Jody Jody" for Jody Davis?  That was made up by fans, as was bowing down to Andre Dawson in right field, as was "left field sucks, right field sucks".  Now, if there is some scoreboard or now possibly two they are saying, constantly barraging the fans with their capitalist babble, the fans won't have the opportunity to even hear themselves think, let alone come up with new awesome chants.  I myself was trying to get the crowd yelling, "Kuji Fuji!" for Kyuji Fujikawa.  It hasn't caught on yet because he's new, he kinda sucks, and is now injured, but it could happen people, but not if there's a damned scoreboard yelling at me to clap my hands 17 times in a row on some pre-determined beat.

What do the fans get out of this anyway?  They say that the advertising revenue will generate 5 million dollars.  Big whoop!  That's not even enough to buy a lousy fourth starter these days.  So, the Rickett's expect us to sit through all this extra advertising for let's say, Jason Marquis? And how can a damned scoreboard help us win the World Series?  The reason the Cubs have not gone to the World Series is because the didn't win the games they needed to win.  They were swept the last two times they went to the playoffs under lights, and then there was Bartman.  Remember when in the 80's they wanted to put lights in and they blamed the tragedy fiasco of 1984, and how we got screwed out of home field advantage because we had no lights.  It's not because we had no lights!  It's because major league baseball is greedy, and decided San Diego would get home field advantage because they did have lights!  Game 5 was played in the daytime anyway, in San Diego.  It was simply a royal screw over.  And what did lights get us?  NADA.  It's been 25 years since lights were put in, and even though the Cubs play the majority of their home games in the daytime, (they play around 30 at night), they still haven't won a pennant.  Baseball is better played in the day time, and you all know it.  It was better before 1988, and now, "progress" has our feet to the fire once again.  Progress.

Let's take a look at our modern life.  Screens screens screens everywhere!  In our pockets and hands.  Everyone staring into their smart phones.  Digital Billboards next to high ways.  Televisions in every bedroom, along with computers, and ipads, and tvs in taxi cabs.  Have you ever counted how many screens, and advertisements you see in one day?  And now, the Rickett's want to put 1 or 2 more screens in front of you where there were no screens or need for them.  Giant fucking screens, telling you what to buy, and who to be.  I resent it.  I bought a ticket, now play the damned baseball game.  I don't care which hat the ball is under. I don't need to hear the southern players Kenny Chesney walk up music, or the latin players Bachata.  I don't need to hear "Enter Sandman" when the closer comes in.  Did you know that at Yankee stadium, every time an opposing batter strikes out, you hear an ad?  They play a pneumonic whistle which is an ad for PC Richard and Son, a local electronics store.  It sucks.  and that's where the Chicago Cubs are heading to make a lousy 4th starters salary.

And believe you me.  These Ricketts, they love the Cubs for certain.  They are spending hundreds millions of their own money to "renovate" Wrigley, but I can guarantee you they would NEVER have bought this team if they weren't looking to turn a profit.  Fine.  Turn a profit.  Spend a few million making sure the roof doesn't cave in, build some new club houses, forget the giant screens, and spend the hundreds of millions on fielding a competitive team.  Fans will pay good money to see a competitive Cubbies.  It was only a few short years ago we went to the playoffs twice.  All the games were sold out, and many times, I had to pay a premium from a reseller, a scalper or Stub hub to see the games I wanted to attend.  Why?  Because we were winning.  The Cubs brass proclaims a scoreboard will help us get to the world series.  Well, the Pirates have  a relatively new stadium too, AND a giant scoreboard, why do they not go to the World Series?  Oh yeah...they're terrible, and so are the Cubs.

So fuck the damned scoreboard, and lets rip down the lights too.  Keep it real Chicago.  A damned scoreboard will only annoy the crap out of us, and the extra night games only make us have to go to work hung over, instead of day games which demand you knock off work early sometimes, and be sober by the time you get home to the wife and kids.  It's a better system.

I'm going to hopefully watch the Cubs split the series with the Giants today, in the daytime, under the sunlight, as the universe intended.  Progress isn't progress unless it serves the people it's supposed to be progressing.  What does a damned scoreboard get us?  Another damned Screen to stare at and more ads.  Progress?

It was better before people.  You all know I'm right.  Fuck the damned scoreboard.

Go cubbies!

Cubs Try to Lose; Win Anyway!

If there was any question as to how "Marmol" is spelled in japanese, I looked it up, and it's "F-U-J-I-K-A-W-A".  In a dismal 9th inning appearance, trying to preserve Carlos Villanueva's 2-0 gem, Kuji-Fuji, as he will be referred to from here on in, stank up the joint,  allowing 3 runs on 3 hits, plus a wild pitch, and he hit a batter (Buster Posey).  I was really hoping the plunked Posey would charge the mound ala Carlos Quentin vs Zack Greinke (video of melee in link), and break Kuji-Fuji's collar bone too.  At least I could have forgiven the 2 more runs he gave up, as I imagine it's tough to pitch with a broken collarbone.  But alas, cooler heads prevailed, and Posey trotted down to first, giving the Giants one more chance to go ahead.  And go ahead they did. Eventually,leading 3-2 going into the Cub's half of the 9th inning.

What is it with Cubs closers this year?  I've talked on the podcast with the lovable Lou Sears about  how these pitchers trying to close out the game, put extra pressure on themselves to wrap it up for a win.  That unnecessary extra pressure results in mistakes, thus runs, thus blown saves, and thus losses.  Granted, the fans in the stands are all a titter about going home with a win, standing, drunkenly chanting, and clapping randomly, but the closer, whoever it is, needs to just pretend it's the 3rd inning, and approach it as the routine 1-2-3 we Cub fans long for.  Maybe the fans could help set the scene by getting up to take a leak and buy a hot dog.  Let's all just pretend it's the third inning, and listen to the "W" from the bathroom, standing shoulder to shoulder singing "Go Cubs Go" from the iconic pee troughs of the Wrigley Field men's bathroom.  (Ladies, if you don't know what I'm talking about, find out by grabbing any random man in a Cubs hat and just say "Wrigley trough". Actually don't do that, it's weird... ).  So what changes in the 9th?  The only thing I can think of is that they stop selling beer, so many alcoholic fans have retreated to the Captain Morgans club, or one of Wrigleyville's many watering holes to watch the end of the game.  Maybe the absence of the constant chatter of "Beer here!", and "Get your Old Style", is unnerving to the pitcher.  It may be breaking the law to sell beer after the 8th, but I feel like we have to think outside the box for solutions.  I, Son Ranto, for one would be happy to 'take one for the team' and buy beer from vendors in the 9th.  Hell!  I'll even make the sacrifice to buy and drink beer  in extra innings.  Yes.  I love the Cubs that much.  It's all about sacrifice.

OK.  Ranto Rant over.....We won the game!!!!  And I was there!!!!

I took a little time off of my busy schedule of complaining about everything, procrastinating and drinking at home, to ride my bike the mile or so down to the Friendly Confines.  I was feeling generous, so I gave a scalper 10$ for a Box Seat and got to the game around the 5th inning.  Might I add, I decided to go down there in the 15 minute period where the sun was out.  I had been listening on the radio, as my poverty lacks Comcast Sports net and  It was 1-0 when I got to the stadium.  I heard Castro's homer from the roar of the crowd and Captain Morgan's amplified broadcadst, and found me a scalper.  2-0 is where it stayed until the fiasco 9th.  And I was like "Just great!  I come down here to sit in the cold rain to watch the Cubs blow another one. 2 damn days in a damned row".  I was truly questioning my purpose on earth, along with my horrific life choices, when the Cubs came to bat in the 9th...and from the ashes rose the phoenix!

The 9th started wonderfully with Dionner Navarro, who's aversion to running the bases, gives him extra incentive to hit home runs, did just that.  At 5'9", and 205 lbs, he prefers a trot as opposed to a full out sprint.  But it's fine by me.  Trot away Dionner!  So tie game, and I'm figuring extra innings, basically, because I don't have a whole ton of faith in this team to score twice off  Romo, the Giants closer, who was lights out the day before.  My pessimism was briefly vindicated by watching Valbuena and "Oh God!  why is this guy still on the team?" Brent Lillibridge strike out.  So two outs, and DeJesus doubles, Castro singles.  We win!!!

I must admit, I welled up a bit while singing "Go Cubs Go" with my drunken brethren.  To steal a victory from the jaws of defeat with my fellow inebriated Chicagoans was just as sweet as any thing that's happened to me ever.  Seriously.  Ever.  There are few better feelings for a baseball fan than a walk off win.  Of course I prefer it happen in a 4 game sweep of  the World Series (don't think my heart can take a 7 gamer).  But I felt great walking out of there!  Seriously wonderful!  The fans were still singing on the streets.  The atmosphere was jubilant!  Hopefully, this walk off win can carry the team with confidence into the weekend and beyond.  Especially Starlin Castro, who has failed miserably to be the hero all season until yesterday.  Way to go Starlin!  You acted the champion we all hope you'll be!

So, unfortunately, I will not be able to attend todays 12:05 start.  I'm going to watch some little kids play soccer in the burbs, and hang out with my Michigan cousins.  But I'll be back in the Friendly Confines tomorrow.  Up in the FC!  Got tickets?  Cause I don't.  Hit me up at sonranto@gmail.com, and of course http://www.sonranto.com.  Don't forget to check out the podcast here!

Let's go get a W today!  It's Madison Bumgarner (who I understand garners bums for the Giants) vs.  Our very own ace Shark Samardzija.

Let's go Cubbies!

PS.  Clevenger looked good at 3rd.  Get rid of Lillibridge!

Home Opener! Dream come True....

Hooray!  We've all made it another year!!  Now it's time to accomplish my life long dream of walking to Wrigley Field from my very own North Side apartment!!! As a child, I dreamed of living in one of the flats across the street (where the current 'rooftops' are).  This was back in the 80s when I think the main people sitting up there were actual tenants, just sitting on lawn chairs.  But alas, I can't afford to live closer than a neighborhood away...damned yuppies.....but still, I can walk to Wrigley in 25 minutes, and I'm freakin giddy as a japanese school girl about it.  (Is that racist?  make sense?)  I'll be joined in the stands today at the Cubs home opener against by the Milwaukee Brewers, but we're starting out the festivities with a little Champagne Brunch at the Ranto Crib.  And hopefully this morning rain will subside, and Tom Skilling's prediction of a decent afternoon will be fulfilled.  Either way, I think they'll get the game in.  And even though the Cubs looked horrible this weekend in Atlanta, there's nothing that can't contain my excitement about watching a game at Wrigley Field today.

OK.  Enough wistful rhetoric about how awesome my life is right  now.  And onto how terrible the Cubs are.

Carlos Marmol.  There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.  And unfortunately, I've been saying this for two years now.  Carlos Marmol is not a very good pitcher anymore.  Every batter in the league played fly swatter with his slider for years, and then figured out that if they didn't swing, one of two things would happen; they would walk, or get hit by the pitch.  Either way.  They'd end up at first base.  So then, the Cubs made him develop his fastball.  So, Marmol starts throwing straight darts down the middle of the plate in addition to the slider (which was usually a ball), and it was like batting practice.  His slider has or had crazy movement, his fastball has none.  Whatever the pitching coaches turned Carlos Marmol into, the result is horrific.  And I feel horrifically bad for the man because I used to love watching him pitch....in the 8th inning.  He never should have been the closer.  I've said it from the beginning.  Why take him out of the 8th inning when he's doing great in that role.  Don't fix it if it ain't broke.  Well now it's broke, and I don't think anyone can fix it.  It's over for Marmol and the Cubs.  My hope is that he goes to another team....preferably in the American League, where some dynamo pitching coach can help him straighten out everything.  I wish the man success, I loved watching him pitch,  but I just don't want to watch it anymore.  It's a train wreck.

The news then broke Sunday, that Marmol's out as closer, and Fujikawa's in.  Great.  Fabulous.  Sound the trumpets.  They finally did what I've been saying they should do for two full seasons now.
The real question about the Cubs front office when it comes to Marmol is..."why is he even on the team still?".  They could have traded him for Dan Haren in the off season, and didn't because Dan Haren has a nagging hip problem.  Well Carlos Marmol has a nagging pitching badly problem.  And has for some time.  I woulda traded Marmol for the organist for the Las Vegas Area 51's and a couple of Ho Ho Kams this off season.  Seriously.

OK.  Now I'm getting depressed...but today is Opening Day at Wrigley!  Just checked the Sattelite, and it's looking good for weather this afternoon!  Come say Hi!!!! We will be in Terrace Reserved to the third base side behind home plate.  Look for two devastatingly handsome men sitting with an old lady (Mom Ranto)

In the meantime.... here's the podcast link for today!

https://soundcloud.com/danny-rockett/son-ranto-home-opener

Cubs Predictions for 2013

Today is the day that Zombie Jesus rides again.  And this year. Every MLB sportswriter in the world makes their predictions for the coming season.  Well...this is a Cub's Centric blog, so I'm not going to waste time talking about other teams.  but I will waste time talking about what I think will happen to the Chicago Cubs this year....

The team:
 With Ron Santo's ghost out for the season with no legs, the Cubs enter 2013 with no third baseman.  However Santo's ghost is being fitted with those awesome prosthetics that that olympian murderer runner wore.  Santo's ghost could be ready for a playoff run.

Andre Dawson will make another hilarious video with Kerry Wood, however this time it will be a sex tape called "Gerry Curl's got Wood".

The Astros will have not won a single game by July 10th, and demand to play the Cubs at least 12 times a season in order to have a fighting chance.

The ivy will die on the walls due to a disease similar to the Irish Potato blight, causing Cub's chairman Tom Rickett's to replace the iconic ivy with Chia Pet's in an effort to raise advertising revenue for the club.  Every time an opposing batter strikes out the jingle "CH-CH-CH-Chia!" will be played.

A drunken Billy Corgan will die falling out of the broadcast booth while singing 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game".  Tribune headline reads. "Corgan Smashes Pumpkins; Cubs Lose 14th straight".

Marla Collins will return as ball girl, but unfortunately she looks like this now....

Now on to the individual players.

Jeff Samardzija will be sued and forced to shave his head, by Mitch Williams who copyrighted his mullet while playing in chicago in 1989.

Darwin Barney will gain the nickname "Dar Bar" and consequentially launch a new 'healthy' candy bar of the same name.  Unfortunately, the confection will be a complete failure because the people of Chicago don't care about their health.

Dionner Navarro will suffer a massive heart attack at Gibson's Steakhouse on August 15th (an off day), but return to the lineup the next day and go 3-4 with a home run and a double against the hated Cardinals.

Alfonso Soriano quits baseball forever to start a new career in Acting where he will play 'The Cowardly Lion' in Marriot Lincolnshire's production of "The Wiz" this fall.

David DeJesus's hot wife Kim leaves him for me.

Starlin Castro is assaulted on the field in NYC by a woman 8 months pregnant claiming Starlin to be the Father, however further DNA tests after the babies birth confirm the child to be David DeJesus's, whose wife then leaves him for me.

Kyuji Fujikawa will get into a fistfight in the bullpen with Carlos Marmol over whether the original Karate Kid from the 80's was better than the one with Will Smith's daughter.  Fujikawa will win with the Daniel San's Crane kick because Marmol never saw the original movie and didn't see the other foot coming.

I'll keep these predictions sealed in a pickle jar to be opened at the end of the season.  Let's see how many come true!!