Cubs got Wood; But not in Bats

Another great performance by Cubs pitcher  Travis"The New Kerry" Wood, only to be wasted by an errant pick off throw, and another poor performance by our bullpen and specifically Shawn Camp, who was the goat and the loser in Sunday's loss to the Giants as well.  We are too busy beating ourselves in these games.  There was another passed ball where our 'Misser' Wellington Castillo couldn't turn his glove around in time which resulted in a runner advancing, and then scoring.  The aforementioned wild throw to first, and then of course, a 2 run homer to put the Rangers up 4-0.  The Cubs managed only 6 hits.  Half of them in the 9th inning, where we managed to scratch out 2, and it could have been more if Darwin Barney's (welcome back buddy!) sinking line drive had gotten down for a hit.  But alas.  We lose.  Game over.  Another one got away.  Another one bites the dust.

I would like to suggest that Cubs fans should have a song to sing when we lose.  I mean we only got to sing 'Go Cubs Go' 38 times on the North Side last year.  Seems we should sing more, even at the losses, to keep our voices in shape.  I suggest Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust".  First of all, it's a great song, and will nicely bookend with "We Will Rock You" when our new giant monstrosity of a scoreboard blasts us with ads and ways to cheer.  I'm sure "We Will Rock You" will be blasted at us too.  Boom Boom Chick Boom Boom Chick.  I suggest that after every Cubs loss, we sing as well.  I mean the best songs are sad songs anyway.  We should sing our pleasure and our pain!  Beer na bow bow bow....Another One Bitse the Dust!!

So what else happened?  We finally got rid of the Leprechaun Lillibridge, thank god!  And Dar Bar came back from his knee gouge to play second and almost win the game last night.  In addition we picked up some bullpen help from the castaways at Gilligans Baseball Island.  With Fujikawa on the DL, Marmol in yipsville, and Clevenger on the 60 day DL with "Crumbling at Home Plate-itis", we needed a little help.  And a "little" help is what we got.  We picked up Cameron Loe a righty who had some decent years with Milwaukee.  Seattle released him.  We got him.  He did well last night anyway.  1 scoreless inning pitched.  We also picked up Kevin "goggles" Gregg.  For those of you that remember 2009, he was the guy who blew a bunch of saves for the Cubs and typically has an ERA between 4 and 5.  I watched Kevin Gregg blow a 4 run lead in the 9th against the Mets once in NYC.  Classy!  Hey while we're at it, lets bring back all our failed closers from the past.  Kerry Wood, Ryan Dempster.  How about Goose Gossage?    Not excited about this move, but whatchoo gonna do?  At least we can spread the blame around the bullpen for these late inning losses.  We also picked up veteran infielder Cody Ransom, who basically sucks at hitting and spends a fair amount of time under the .200 Mendoza line.  We are his 8th team.  But I welcome him with open arms because Lillibridge is gone and off the Cubs.  Goog riddance to bad rubbish.  When's Ian Stewart coming back?  Who the hell knows or cares.  Does he even exist?  Either way, I don't like his attitude.  I'd rather see the ghost of Ron Santo out there at third.    Or if we get Goose Gossage to close.  Why not get Ron Cey?  Penguin!!!!

Well, Lou Sears said in the last podcast that we will get swept in this series.  And looking at the radar map and the giant ass storm headed our way, there is a good chance it will be a one game sweep.  I hold tickets for tonights game, yet am doubtful about its playability.  I have even less hope for tomorrow.  Thunderstorms!!!!! Hell, it might do us good.  The new guys can get to know each other, and maybe Shawn Camp can watch a bunch of video to see what the hell he's doing wrong.  I of course will be lamenting my decision to live just north of 3 graveyards.  Graceland Cemetery, Hebrew Benevolent Cemetery, and Wrigley Field....

Go Cubbies!

Cubs Predictions for 2013

Today is the day that Zombie Jesus rides again.  And this year. Every MLB sportswriter in the world makes their predictions for the coming season.  Well...this is a Cub's Centric blog, so I'm not going to waste time talking about other teams.  but I will waste time talking about what I think will happen to the Chicago Cubs this year....

The team:
 With Ron Santo's ghost out for the season with no legs, the Cubs enter 2013 with no third baseman.  However Santo's ghost is being fitted with those awesome prosthetics that that olympian murderer runner wore.  Santo's ghost could be ready for a playoff run.

Andre Dawson will make another hilarious video with Kerry Wood, however this time it will be a sex tape called "Gerry Curl's got Wood".

The Astros will have not won a single game by July 10th, and demand to play the Cubs at least 12 times a season in order to have a fighting chance.

The ivy will die on the walls due to a disease similar to the Irish Potato blight, causing Cub's chairman Tom Rickett's to replace the iconic ivy with Chia Pet's in an effort to raise advertising revenue for the club.  Every time an opposing batter strikes out the jingle "CH-CH-CH-Chia!" will be played.

A drunken Billy Corgan will die falling out of the broadcast booth while singing 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game".  Tribune headline reads. "Corgan Smashes Pumpkins; Cubs Lose 14th straight".

Marla Collins will return as ball girl, but unfortunately she looks like this now....

Now on to the individual players.

Jeff Samardzija will be sued and forced to shave his head, by Mitch Williams who copyrighted his mullet while playing in chicago in 1989.

Darwin Barney will gain the nickname "Dar Bar" and consequentially launch a new 'healthy' candy bar of the same name.  Unfortunately, the confection will be a complete failure because the people of Chicago don't care about their health.

Dionner Navarro will suffer a massive heart attack at Gibson's Steakhouse on August 15th (an off day), but return to the lineup the next day and go 3-4 with a home run and a double against the hated Cardinals.

Alfonso Soriano quits baseball forever to start a new career in Acting where he will play 'The Cowardly Lion' in Marriot Lincolnshire's production of "The Wiz" this fall.

David DeJesus's hot wife Kim leaves him for me.

Starlin Castro is assaulted on the field in NYC by a woman 8 months pregnant claiming Starlin to be the Father, however further DNA tests after the babies birth confirm the child to be David DeJesus's, whose wife then leaves him for me.

Kyuji Fujikawa will get into a fistfight in the bullpen with Carlos Marmol over whether the original Karate Kid from the 80's was better than the one with Will Smith's daughter.  Fujikawa will win with the Daniel San's Crane kick because Marmol never saw the original movie and didn't see the other foot coming.

I'll keep these predictions sealed in a pickle jar to be opened at the end of the season.  Let's see how many come true!!