I Must Be in the Front Row!

Some of you may be too young to remember, but in the 80's, there was a Miller Lite commercial featuring Bob Uecker where he gets booted from his seat for acting rowdy.  When security comes to get him, and tells him he's in the wrong seat, Uecker says, "I must be in the front row...". Of course, he ends up in nose bleed seats, and the last shot of him is in the last row of the stadium screaming, "He missed the tag!"  It's hilarious, and unfortunately, I couldn't find a Youtube of it as all the links were broken due to copyright infringement...boo-urns...

Unlike Uecker, yours truly, Son Ranto did sit in the first row yesterday.  For the first time since a 16 inning game against the Atlanta Braves in 1987, I successfully snuck down the the First Row of box seats.  Right behind the Brewers Ball Boy.  I had a little help from my Brother in law, and his neighbor Paul, who actually had tickets in the section.  We did the old, ticket exchange every time someone got up.  I personally paid 10$ for a scalped ticket right in front of the Stadium.  Not bad seats for 10$ eh?

It was a great place to watch the Cubs beat the Brewers 7-2 for the series win anyway.  The only surprises in the game, besides the Cubs scoring 7 runs, was that Matt Garza, who usually swings the bat terribly, had 2 hits!  And his trade baitability, increased 10 fold because of a 7 inning, 7 strikeout appearance.  With Garza's contract up this year, and his proneness to injury, I actually hope he's gone by tonight.  It's a damned shame too, because it would be nice to have Garza as a Cub for the next few years.  I think he's a great pitcher when he's healthy.  Possibly we can resign him in the off season.  He fits in well in Chicago.  

Another notable achievement from yesterday was 2 hits from my man, Starlin Castro.  Now, I've been hard on Starlin this year, but since his benching on Tuesday, he has gone 2-5 in the next two games.  Could this be the turn around we're all waiting for?  Let's hope.  Because if the Cubs are going to complete their World Series plans in 2015, Starlin's going to have to be a part of it.  Too bad Dale didn't bench Castro two weeks ago, when almost every fan in the stands said that's what needed to happen.

Another notable achievement from the game, was Dioner Navarro's 7th home run, a line drive, 3 run shot to right.  He has to be the best hitting back up catcher in the majors. with 7 home runs and 17 RBI's in only 89 at bats over 36 games.  The offensive production out of the Catcher's spot has been impressive, along with Castillo.  The defense, not so much, but as a Cubs' fan in 2013, I'll take what I can get.... 

Like Front Row Seats!!!! 

Check out how close I was to the Sausage Races!

Go Hot Dog!!!!

Hot Dog Wins!!!!

The Sausages exited up my row!!! I'm awesome!!!

Just a quick note if you plan on gambling on the Sausage races, which I did the previous evening, winning a dollar off the Rally Banana.  The Brewers Ballboy told me that there's a broken piece in the Chorizo costume, and it's also the most top heavy.  Chorizo hardly ever wins.  Do you think the Brewers are racist?  Making the latino sausage slowest?  Probably....

Yes.  The front row is definitely the way to watch the Cubs win Matt Garza's last start in pinstripes.  I suggest you all try it sometime.  

Well, it's time to start falling asleep in fron of the TV while watching the game again.  Cubs are in Seattle tonight.  I really wish I could go, but alas, I cannot afford it.  We got Travis Wood 5-6, 2.85 vs Hisashi Iwakuma 7-3, 2.26.  I know nothing about the Mariners except for that they have virtually the same record as the Cubs, and none of their starters are batting over .300, and Aaron Harang, who the Cubs face Saturday, is on their team now.  The good news is, we don't have to face King Felix Hernandez!

Well, I won't be at another game until the Cubs come home 7/5.  In the meantime...

http://www.sonranto.com

Son Ranto Vs. Rally Banana

It was the bottom of the 9th, and Kevin Gregg, the Cubs' fearless closer had just given up a lead off homerun to Juan Francisco to pull the Brewers to within 1.  With the score 5-4, the Brewers' Rally Banana began dancing, gyrating to the rhythms and sounds permeating Miller Park, attempting to goad the 5000 or so Brewers fans left into cheering their scuffling team to victory.  With scoreboard initiated chants, and clapping patterns only known to those who reside north of the Wisconsin border, the rally Banana stood tall amongst his people, and induced a Rickie Weeks double.  Then a sacrifice bunt, putting the tying run on third base with only 1 out.  Things were looking dire for the Cubs, but I, Son Ranto telepathied the Cubs dugout for a visit from Cubs pitching coach, former Brewer Chris Bosio, and channeled my energies to Bosio, to tell Gregg to quit screwing around and bring the infield in.  I wasn't about to let the Rally Banana steal a rare Cubs victory at Miller Park away from me and my fellow Cubby Blue Bleeders, who outnumbered the Brewers fans 2-1.  I also wasn't about to let the Rally Banana even the score, as I had won 1$ off of Mr. Banana by picking the Hot Dog to win, over his Bratwurst in the Sausage race. 

You can see the vengeance in the Rally Banana's eyes, plotting his 9th inning Rally Banana comeback.   And with a man on third, Bosio waddling back to Cubs dugout, and the Mendoza lining .203 hitter Yuniesky Bettancourt, who's name sounds like a cross between a Latvian moonshine, and an English Count, I had to muster all my Son Ranto telepathic powers to make ex-Brewer Dale Sveum's "pulled in" infield work it's magic.  Success!!!  As planned, Yuniesky hit the ball straight at Luis Valbuena, and with Weeks, the runner at third, off on contact, and a fine throw from Valbuena, he was dead to rights at home plate!

Son Ranto 2 - Rally Banana 0

But I still had work to do, Gregg needed one more out.  And with the Rally Banana dancing up a storm, I knew that it would take all the Son Ranto power within me, to keep lefty Pinch Hitter Scooter Gennett from hitting his second career homerun.  A 2 run walk off.  So with the Rally Banana dancing full tilt,  Scooter launched a high fly ball to right field.  This was the opportunity I had been looking for.  This was an easy homerun, but I was sitting in left center field, perfectly positioned to create an air vacuum to keep the ball in the ball park, and into the mitt of Nate Schierholtz.  So I began to suck.  I sucked in air with lung power I didn't know I still had as a 20 year smoker.  The Rally Banana stopped and watched the fly ball sail through the air, preparing himself for a Rally Banana Walk off celebration of epic proportions.  But I, Son Ranto, continued to Vacuum up the outfield air with my superlungs.  Causing the ball to arc, then die to the warning track, where the waiting Schierholtz snagged it for the final out of the ballgame!  Cubs Win!  Son Ranto Wins!  Brewers lose!  Rally Banana Lose!!

Curses!  Foiled Again!!!!

Thus was the tale last evening at Miller Park in the epic battle for fourth place.

The saga continues today at 1:10 pm.

I'll be there, sucking as usual.

http://www.sonranto.com

Bad News Bears Give Birth to Cubs

The folly of men dressed in Cub's uniforms, attempting to play a game called baseball, continued Saturday night to a sell out crowd in Milwaukee.  Giving up 5 runs (only one of which was earned), on only 6 hits and 3 walks.  Three errors were the cause of the other 4 earned runs, by Soriano, Castro, and the pitcher Jackson himself.  In fact, the Cubs have committed  a major league leading 15 errors this season and given up 11 unearned runs.  Put these unearned runs up against our 3rd to last runs scored statistic, and you have a 2013 Cubs Ballclub that is 5-11, and well, just looks kind of crappy.  The most craptastic thing about these errors is that they are being committed by the young "stars" the Cubs are currently building their team around.  Well, maybe not Soriano.  He will be laying in a hammock listening to the game from his estate in the Dominican Republic, and playing with his grandchildren by the time the Cubs win the World series (I hope).  But Castro?  This is 3 years now we've basically watched this kid barely get better in the field.  Certainly, he has great range, and gets to a lot of balls.  But those damn easy one hoppers?  Can't quite seem to handle the routine plays.  And it's killing us.
Rizzo too looks shaky.  His error on the first batter of the game Friday night resulted in a 4 run 1st inning for the Brewers.  And last night, he bobbled a ball badly trying to step on first base.  And Edwin Jackson?  Our 52 million dollar man?  Why he chucked a ball 15 feet over second base on what could have been an inning ending double play last night.  You're just giving away the game with these stupid errors.  It's disheartening as hell.  If the errors were all being committed by Luis Valbuena, it wouldn't be as awful because he's not a building bock of the future (I hope), but rather by our stars.  I think these guys need an exorcism.  They've got the Yips as a team.  Goat head?

And our poor pitchers!  Having to make all these extra pitches, face extra batters.  It's got to be disheartening when you have little to no confidence in who is fielding behind you.  It makes you feel as if you have to strike out every batter and be damn near perfect because you have no run support anyway.  The Cubs are 3rd to last in runs scored, and walks taken, and 5th to last in hits.  The Cubs are of course first place in Wild Pitches, with 13 (5 coming in one inning), and second in passed balls.  That's a ton of runners moving around the bases, many of which shouldn't have been on base to begin with!  This team needs a serious shake up!  If things don't change, and change soon.  This season will not only be forgettable, but will leave us with a terrible taste in our mouths all winter long.  Young teams are supposed to get better little by little.  And right now, even though we have not been blown out as of yet, we look worse than last year.  Or did I just forget how bad we were?

But enough about baseball....let's talk about how drunk Milwaukee Brewers fans are...

I went to the game on Friday night up in Brew Town, checked into the local Ramada, which was jam packed with Harley Davidson fanatics from all over the world.  Apparently, they are having some biker convention.  Boy, how times have changed since "The Wild Ones"  when it comes to bikers and biker gangs.  First of all these guys are all old, fat and grizzled, and instead of dealing drugs and rough necking it, hard drinking, and loose women, the bikers now hold charity events and raise money for cancer research.  Basically, they are really good people now, and I'm the asshole that wishes they were still dangerous outlaws scaring up the straights in small town USA.  Those days seem to be long gone.
 
So, we get to the game, and a severely drunken, likely underage, girl comes stumbling up the stairs with her friends.  I mean this girl can barely stand up.  She sits down in the aisle and kind of blankly stares at a stranger as if to say, "where the fuck am I?  What is going on?"  So I see this girl needs a little help, not from me, but one of her more sober friends who got her this drunk in the first place  So I tap her friend on the shoulder and say, hey, your friend needs help.  You gotta get her outta here.  Especially with all the Bro's sitting around us who looked basically like date rapers eyeing her as a possible conquest from afar.  But instead the friend proceeds to take shit loads of pictures of herself with the same dums ass smile with all here more sober friends, she of course stylized them with some instagram filter, and posted them to facebook, and basically ignored her friend who looked as if she was gonna hurl at any second.  A sad scene.  Then this red haired girl comes up who instead of helping her basically admonishes her for her behavior.  But that doesn't help at all, yelling at the person while they're drunk.  Just ask my ex wife.  So, We left our seats to go smoke a ciggy, and when we came back an inning or 2 later, she was surrounded by cops.  So at least she was in better hands?  Who knows?  Either way....kinda ugly scene...she showed up in the first inning like that....

I also witnessed a Brewer fan homoerotically pantomime face fucking his Cub Fan friend after the Brewers scored a run. He was one of the "date rapers" I tracked earlier.  And while at the Brewers little patio bar, a Black eyed Broham elbowed my friend in the back, and instead of apologizing for it, tried to start a fight with us.  I redirected his sloppy ire and diffused the situation, and I wish I had this on tape, but he was describing himself, and the evening he was having, and he said something to the effect of..."My friends, they were like, lets go out, and we can do something, and I'm like, yeah man, I don't really care, whatever".  I just said, well, you sound like a man who knows what he wants out of life.  And quickly left the conversation and the area.

All in all, and I've been twice now, Miller Park is tolerable on a sunny day with the roof open, and a dark chasm of drunken date rapers on a Friday night.  Hey, at least they let you smoke.

After that we went to the Casino.  BTW.  They have free shuttles all around Miller Park that can get you close to where you're going.  I won a little money on a slot, my friend lost, so we left.  All in all, meh, I prefer the Indiana boats.  Potawotami Casino is trying to be Vegas, and they totally forgot that they are in shitty ass Milwaukee and a bunch of cheesers.  Hey Milwaukee, you're not cool and you look stupid trying.

So, what do we have to look forward to today?  Little Chinstrap "I don't know how to cover first base" Feldman vs.  Wily Peralta.  Ugh...I just don't have a good feeling about this....not at all....

But...
Go Cubbies!!!!