God's Wrath Rains Out Cubs!

Time to start building an ark and collecting two of each animal, because what began with a goat head being delivered to Wrigley Field, has brought the wrath of God on the Chicago Cubs.  God is using his favorite punishment, flooding rains, in order to express his disproval of the recent Wrigley renovation deal that will build an ugly 6000 sq. foot scoreboard in left field.  God said in an interview with CBS 2 news at 5 last night that he would have rained out Tuesday's loss to the Rangers as well, but thought it better that the Cubs players would have to sit around for two soggy days in gray-ass Chicago thinking about their lack of timely hitting and poor defensive skills.  God also is considering raining out today's (Thursday's) matinee finale, but he may let the game start and go 3 innings, whereafter the Cubs take an early 4 to 1 lead,the score will be washed away with another postponement. As extra punishment,  The Cubs would also waste the Carlos Villanueva slot in the rotation.  One of their best performing pitchers as of late.  The rainout Thursday would also make the Cubs play 89 games in the month of June, including 17 double headers and 3 triple headers.  However God is considering not raining out the game and just letting the Cubs lose today in a rain soaked 5 and 2/3 inning affair.

God has a long history seeking vengeance on the Chicago Cub's.  It is a well known fact that Steve Bartman was NOT listening to the ball game on his iconic headphones, but rather, was taking direct orders from the lord through a two way radio connected to heaven.  God also rained out the first scheduled night game at Wrigley Field on 8/8/88.  And was quoted at the time as saying, "I made the damn sun for you to play baseball in!  What the hell you need lights for? ya ingrates!".  God also has no intention of ever letting up on his vengeful wrath for the North Siders.  God has been displeased with the Cubs and their goat-ish ways.  God has sacrificed the blood of the lamb.  Not the goat.  The goat, or Baphomet, is a well known symbol of Satan, and his 5 pointed star, the pentogram....see illustration.

As with most things God related, you can never quite tell what he will do next.  However, his displeasure with the Chicago Cubs over the goat head, and now the score board were simply to much to have the games played this....wait...is that the sun I see out there?  Wait!  I hear birds chirping, and my office is being flooded with light!!  Could it be?!  There will be baseball today?!

Praise Allah, Jeebus, Ghandi and Meryl Streep!  

There will be baseball today!!!!

Oh shit...it's grey again...and raining....

God is such a cock tease....

Go Cubbies!